Treats!!! Sweet!!

Yeah, Chris's birthday celebration went a little bit long. Definitely no time for a blog post last night. (I'm almost too tired still tonight!) But there's lots going on--and pretty much all good stuff. Today was radiation #24 and while my skin in the treated area is certainly starting to show signs of what it's been through (I have a very obvious "reverse sunburn" going on and it's getting pretty itchy), I am now in single digits--only 9 remaining treatments!

I also called today to schedule my appointments with Dr. Glaspy at UCLA--the oncologist I should have done my chemo with but was worried about the drive. Long time readers will remember him as the River Boat Gambler doctor--also the one who called me the "poster child for chemotherapy." I'm going to return to him (and the great and good Dr. Amer Karam) for my follow-up care. My radiation will end July 14th (The Machine willing) and then on August 14th I'll be headed into LA, seeing Dr. Glaspy first and then Dr. Karam. And then Chris and Dr. Karam and I are headed out to check out a wine bar or two in LA (at which point Dr. Karam becomes just Amer). Doctor's appointments should be fun like that, don't you think? And speaking of follow-up care, even though I only said "I don't think I'll be coming back here" to one nurse late on my last day of chemo at the Rancho Cucamonga facility, I've never heard a single word from them. I was never told to make a follow up appointment or anything at all about any follow-up care. So if I wasn't planning on going back to UCLA, and if I wasn't able to email all my questions to Dr. Karam, I'd have no idea what I was supposed to do next!! I find that strange. Very strange.

In other (actual) good news, when I was done with my turn at The Machine this morning and came back into the waiting room, my Blue Gown BFF (Ms. 9:15) was there with her two granddaughters. The girls had made treats for everyone. That's what the picture is of--the pink ribbon pop the girls made for us (me and the radiation therapists)! Isn't that cute? They also made chocolate and peanut butter dipped pretzels. Looks like RORYANN CLEMENTS and her Boobie Pops have some competition! And I'm not really good with kids ages, but I'd say they were like 10 and 12 years old, which is like an entire decade younger than Roryann!

I also emailed with a friend who is also battling breast cancer. She's recovering well post-surgery and gets to avoid chemo and radiation both. Phew! More survival to celebrate on July 19th! (Glad you are well, D. ;-)

That's part of the "treats" in the title. The other treat was the meal that Brein and Roryann made for Chris's b-day celebration last night. Fabulous!! (Seamus even got to come to the party and also enjoyed the bones he was able to steal from the trash merely because Roryann didn't believe me that Seamus can open cupboards--this is why we have babylocks on our cupboards at home; he's a beagle, people. Beagles will stop at nothing to get food.). Here's Chris with his cake--made by Roryann of course. And no, he didn't turn 43. He turned 34. Roryann has just made it her responsibility to torture Chris--first with the hair voting and now with the horrible thought of being in his 40's. Have I mentioned that she's barely 30 and Brien has not even turned 30 yet??? They probably thought 43 was quite an insult! Have I mentioned I passed 43? Um, awhile ago? See what I mean that my friends are back to openly mocking me? These are all signs I'm recovering. And they're recovering.

But wait until I tell you about food servers being insensitive to Radiation Girl and the loss of the Super Scarf powers last Friday... That will have to wait though. Radiation Girl needs her sleep (I am after all, trying to grow hair...and this takes energy).

P.S. (Can one do a PS in a blog?) I've been asked several times for this link (probably because I keep telling people about it) but here is where one can get the "No They're Not Real. The Real Ones Tried to Kill Me" shirts: CafePress (yes, click on those words--it works; I promise).

P.S.S. don't spend all your t-shirt budget on those shirts though--you will want one of our spectacular "out-chemo/ out-radiate/ OutLive" Survivor t-shirts! (coming soon...I think.)

Growin' It Out for Cancer: Month 5

For the record, I have no idea what that is either, but it's there, it flips up like the feathers on the hats Margaret DuMont used to wear in Marx Brothers movies, and I'm stuck with it, so I do what I can.

Greetings, fellow cancer blog enthusiasts! Chris here, subbing in for Teresa tonight. And since it's been about a month since my last Growin' It Out for Cancer posting, we're dropping Month 5 on you tonight. And what a month it's been in hair growth. As you'll see below, we're sneaking up on 4 inches (that little piece you see in my fingers is clearing 3-3/4 inches the same way Sergei Bubka used to clear 14 feet) and we're definitely racing headlong into hair helmet territory.

In fact, we may have already sprinted through helmet territory and are moving right into a full-on lion's mane. Suffice to say, if you look back at the photos of my hair from Month 4 to Month 5 (and even Month 3 to Month 5), you'll see that there was a whole lot of growing going on this past month, as my hair suddenly began to take on the same shape and form of Miss Havisham's garden. The hair around my ears (around, people, around!) can now be stretched all the way down over my ears if I so choose (I don't), and I'm starting to get worried that soon, there won't be enough room behind my ears to keep the massive amounts of hair I have on the wings proerly tucked and stylish (teach me your secret, Barack. Please!). I fear that soon, the only look I'll be capable of is Donny Osmond circa-1972, and even he didn't have to deal with that, that, that THING undulating and breaching and pluming across my forehead. Seriously, the natural waves forming in the front and back of my hair would make Jacques Cousteau gasp in awe and would send thousands of Indonesian coastal dwellers screaming for higher ground. I mean, check out whatever that is going on in the back, those little Fancy Dan girls starting to U-turn back toward my neck. That's not natural. Hair's not supposed to move that way, right? I'm not getting a mullet, right? RIGHT?

Can you tell I'm desperately wanting for a haircut, or at the very least a trim?

Sadly, I may not get that option. Scores of you voted in Teresa's "When Should Chris Get His Hair Cut Next?" poll, and I'm sorry to announce that the winning selection -- and by a country mile, I might add -- was "Just Before Chris and Teresa Leave for Hawaii (December 15)." Six more months of this. SIX! And 26 of you voted. Clearly I do not have as many friends as I initially thought, and I also learned that many of you out there have a rather vicious sadistic streak, especially when it comes to follically and tonsorially torturing another human being. It's almost freaking July, for crying out loud! And we haven't even reached the hottest part of the summer yet! Do you have any idea what this is actually going to do to me, heat-wise? Do you?

On a side note, I'd like to personally thank Roryann Clements for orchestating the "Vote for December 15th" movement and motivating the other 25 of you out there (and you know who you are and thanks to technology, I do too...) into voting for prolonging my hair's stay and allowing this Incredible Bulk to multiply even further. As you may know, Rory promised "Boobie pops" to all of you out there who read the blog if her selection of December 15th won the poll (apparently this is payback for my winning the earlier "Breakout Character of the Blog" poll), and I expect and encourage each and every one of you to seek out and collect on this promise. In fact, you should tell all your friends and have them inform Rory that they too are readers of the blog and they would like their free Boobie pops as well. Hell, just go ahead and make up names or taken them off of gravestones like Boss Tweed and Richard Dailey used to do, and tell Rory that they are readers too and are demanding their Boobie pops. My goal for all of this is that Rory is forced to spend so much of her own time, energy and money fulfilling her Boobie pop obligation for all of you (and your friends and relatives and fictional friends and relatives too) that she is ultimately (And hopefully very quickly) forced into bankruptcy (both financial and moral) and has to fake her own death to flee and go into hiding lest others continue to find her and demand the Boobie pop retribution they so rightfully deserve. Be careful what you promise the people, Rory, because you may have to back it up. Oh, and it's not nice to mess with The Hair.

Feeling sympathy for me yet? Good. Then you can drink off your guilt and make it up to me by coming out to the first-ever ForgottenGrapes.com "Getting Friendly with Forgotten Grapes" wine tasting event. It's going to be held Thursday, July 9th at 6:30 p.m. at Restaurant Omakase in downtown Riverside. We'll be tasting five Forgotten Grapes and letting you know everything about them, and Omakase's own Chef Brein (whom you may know from his third-place finish in the "Breakout Star of the Blog" poll earlier) will be serving up five small bites that pair perfectly with each specific wine. It promises to be a lot of fun, you'll learn a ton, get to try some wines you may not be familiar with, snack on some outrageously awesome food, and if you've polite and ask nicely, I may even let you touch the hair (though I promise you it will be gelled to within an inch of its life that night, as I WILL NOT let the hair overshadow me or my presentation. I get enough of that with Teresa and Seamus in my normal day-to-day life.) Cost for the event is $35 per person (which is a total bargain when you consider the awesome wines and Omakase food you'll be getting), and you can make your advanced reservations by calling Omakase at (951) 788-8820 . Please note, though, that they really only have room for 40-50 people, and we've already had quite a lot of sign-ups already, so make your reservation as soon as you can so you won't be left out. You really do not want to miss this event, especially now that The Hair is involved.

And don't forget to visit ForgottenGrapes.com every Friday morning, when our newest update is posted. This week, we're answering your wine-related questions in our First-ever Bota Bag Mailbag. And we're not at all mocking you or making fun of you for asking those questions. Nuh-uh. Not at all...

Okay, I need to cut this short (ha, ha...waaaaaaaaah!). I have to finish filling our my application to UNESCO asking that my hair be declared a natural wonder of the world, or at the very least a World Heritage Site. Hey, if you people are going to keep forcing me to grow this thing out, the very least I can do is make some money off of it. Now just how much do you think a Chris' Hair/Growin' It Out for Cancer souvenir pennant or paperweight would go for on the open market?

Until (gulp) July, this is Chris signing off and praying every night that some sudden movement doesn't trigger an avalance of my hair and suffocate me in my sleep.