Cancer Takes a Vacation

Of course, I'm of the opinion cancer has taken a permanent vacation, so maybe "(Former) Cancer Girl Takes a Vacation" would be more appropriate. It is however, less catchy as a title.

We got back from our "heartland vacation" late, late Sunday night. It's been crazy busy ever since, but I do want to share a few of our Cancer Survivor vacation moments.

First, we had Survivor Party #2 at my mom's house in Springfield, MO. Note the shirts? Left to right that's step-dad Ted, Chris, niece McKinzee, me, mom (Vivian), nephew Lucas (in front), brother Jay and sister-in-law Jennifer, all appropriately attired in the Survivor t-shirt. Except Chris. Apparently I forgot to mention the dress code. Ooops. One of my mom's quilting friends gave me a spectacular quilt as a Survivor gift. It, along with the quilts my mom gave me (one of which is for the Shop to Stop Breast Cancer event!), deserves it's own post so we'll get to that later. The party was fun and my niece and nephew asked me to sign their shirts, which was really pretty cute.

After our quick 2 1/2 days in Missouri, we took our time driving up to Chicago. Great drive! Once in Chicago I was at a conference and Chris was conducting a wine tasting at House of Glunz. Eventually though, we had a day to just roam around the city. I LOVE Chicago. LOVE it. Of course, I consider anything below 75 degrees to be cold, so I think my love affair with Chicago will be a fickle one, but I'm quite smitten at the moment. And, Chicago loved me back. As Chris and I roamed through Millennium park and then across the bridge to Bicentennial Park (query: is one really ten times better than the other? ;-) we strolled towards the lake. We found ourselves in a very beautiful little garden, on a beautiful Saturday in summer, almost alone. And then we saw this sign:

How cool is that?? Thank you Richard and Annette Bloch. (Must look up who they are and how this garden came about). We walked through the garden and out onto the plaza, which was the "Cancer Survivor's Plaza." Wow. We stumbled on this completely by accident, but somehow it just seemed meant to be.Eventually, we made our way down to Navy Pier. The best thing I can say about that is that we saw this yacht in the harbor:

You will note that it is dubbed "Odyssey 2." Perhaps you will recall that I refer to what others call the "Cancer Journey" as the "Cancer Odyssey" (a term actually coined by the good and great Dr. Karam). I'm hoping my "Odyssey 2" is a little more like this one.

And as if Chicago had not proved her love for me in enough ways with all of this, we also discovered that Jimmy Buffett had followed us to town. To understand the importance of this you must understand that I am not a music person at all. I tend to think of music as noise. (Yes, I realize this is a character defect.) The only exception to this is Jimmy Buffett--I have been a parrothead since a high school boyfriend introduced me to the "Volcano" album (back when they were "albums" and round, black and shiny). I have been to a half dozen or so concerts of his (as a opposed to the, oh, call it 5 concerts of any other kind ever that I've been to). In Southern California his concerts sell out in about 8 minutes and he seems to be coming here less and less. So to see a flashing billboard with "Jimmy Buffett August 8th: Tickets Still Available" as we drove into Chicago on August 4th (our first night) was like seeing a "God will Speak to You Now. Is there anything else you'd like?" billboard.


We got tickets. We went. We loved it. Here's why:








The photos are probably self explanatory, but here's a little help: That's us, in the parking lot for the pre-party; Fins anyone?; Let's just say we were in the "no rhythm" section and tie-dye guy pretty much did that throughout the entire concert; and the "sleeping" parrothead? Yeah, that was before the concert ever started. Gotta hand it to him though, he rallied eventually.

Per Jimmy: "Changes in latitude, changes in attitude,, nothing remains quite the same... " (which was not a cancer survivor song, but should have been).

Thanks, Chicago!!

Too Much Hair

I am back from vacation. But tired. Super tired. So this may be short. But...it's at least an original post and not a repeat. It is however about hair. I'm stuck in a hair rut.

There was a time when I couldn't quite figure out why hair--or more specifically the loss of hair--seemed to be such an overwhelmingly big aspect of this whole cancer thing. Compared with, oh, let's just say, um...the potential loss of life, it seems that losing one's hair temporarily, while not fun or easy, is not the worst aspect of the cancer experience. Yet it certainly seems to be the one most discussed and the one that others (i.e. "other" than the cancer patient) seem to obsess over. I could have paid all my out of pocket medical expenses, if only I had a dollar for every time someone not diagnosed with cancer told me they didn't know what they would do if they lost their hair, or that they would be "really unattractive" without hair, or some such thing. And honestly, it didn't bother me that much when it happened. The thought of chemo (and stay with me here folks, the chemo happens first...then the hair loss) and all it's potential side effects stressed me out a bit more and by the time the hair loss occurred I was ready for that and eventually when the chemo fatigue set in (conveniently, right about with the hair loss) I was happy to have the extra time in the morning (no shaving, no shampooing, no blow drying, no styling and eventually, no mascara necessary).

But that was then. I'm all better now. I have my energy back. I've returned to the regular programming of my life. I'm back at work and my new associate started today, so we're really ready to go all out full speed ahead. And I miss my hair.

I've given up the wigs and the scarves for good and I have enough hair to do that without drawing stares everywhere I go. And as a friend said of my hair "It's a look. It's a style. It's not your look or your style, but it's a look." Which is true--whether it's a lesbian chic look or a "just back from a spiritual retreat in Sedona, how do you like my new beads and isn't it a shame about the rain forest?" look--it is indeed a look. But it's not me. And that's starting to bug me. It's my last reminder of my "cancer patient" status (hey, I don't really notice the scar at "right breast 10 o'clock" and I guarantee you strangers aren't noticing it! Oh, okay, I have the weird foot neuropathy thing but that comes and goes and in the right shoes, no one notices.). Yeah, yeah, I know--the whole odyssey was only 7 months and it was only been a few weeks since treatment ended, but hey, I'd like my hair back now!

Part of this is coming from that fact that I was at an estate planning conference in Chicago and felt a little "off my game" dealing with so many other lawyers (a competitive lot, to say the least). I felt just slightly odd and I do believe I was perceived differently by others. Two sociological findings (or maybe it's the same one?) that are probably not surprising: a nearly 6 ft tall blonde woman in a suit and heels is not easily over-looked or ignored in a still primarily male dominated field; turns out that same nearly 6 ft tall, no longer blonde, nearly hairless woman in comfortable flat shoes (to accomodate her swollen feet) is quite easily overlooked. Although, that was mostly my experience with men. Women were actually warmer than they usually are to me-- although for the most part, that's not the other lawyers--that's the exhibitors and staff for the conference. I won two different "raffles" (you know how the exhibitors at conferences always raffle off things to get you to leave a business card? Yeah, those.) I'm convinced the raffles were not at all random. They liked me because I talked to them (and I talked to them because they talked to me...it's all very meta) and in one case "the cancer" came up and voila' I was the raffle winner! (yeah, I know, I should have gone to every table and used the cancer card. My suitcase wasn't that big. And airlines charge by the pound now.)

Another part of this is coming, I'm sure, from the fact that I met several of Chris's really nice, really accomplished friends in Chicago. And since they are his friends from college (read: Princeton, so we're all clear on where I'm going with this) they are way younger than me. So I was feeling a little...um...well...let's just say old, stupid and ugly. Not for long (the old and stupid part anyway) though, because they are very nice and interesting and not at all judgmental (and, well, bright enough to understand the whole cancer thing). But again, the hair thing bugged me. I would just prefer not to look odd. Especially when meeting people who don't know me any other way.

I actually had a dream last night that I had hair. Not a dream in which I appeared with hair, but a dream wherein Dream Teresa realized that her hair had suddenly grown to shoulder length and was blonde again. Dream Teresa then realized she needed to style it or cut it or do something with it. Dream Teresa then ran about (outdoors mostly, because dreams can't ever make sense right?) trying to find the appropriate styling tools. That part of the dream was much like the "I have a test and I can't find the classroom I'm supposed to be in" dream that we over-achieving geeky folks who looooved school have. Eventually Dream Teresa settled on foaming up an entire can of mousse and lathering that into her hair (a sign that real life Teresa has watched Chris struggle with controlling that massive tsunami of hair of his one too many times).

I warned you--I'm in a hair rut. Or maybe this was a hair-rant. Either way, it's over for now. Must get sleep.

The photo is to let you know a) what the hair "look" is currently (and oh yeah, I threw in some artsy bead jewelry), and b) that my vacation was enjoyable and I did get to spend time with the Missouri branch of my family. That's my younger brother Jay and his son Lucas in the photo. Because when else will the 3 of us have matching hairdos?

PS: a note about "potential side effects" of chemo. Read the "potential side effects" of aspirin. Or cold medicine. Scary stuff. And yet you still take those things. Okay, so the side effects warnings for chemo are a bit more extensive, but it's the same basic premise--the effects are potential and each of the effects have happened to someone. But they don't all happen to everyone on chemo. And they don't all happen at the same time. And many of them never happen to many people. (That was just for anyone--D-- reading this who might currently be contemplating the side effects of chemo. ;-) )

Vacation Time!!

all I ever wanted...Vacation...all I ever needed...Vacation...have to get away...Vacation....
all I ever wanted...Vacation...all I ever needed...Vacation....(something or other). Go-Gos anyone?
That's right! I am in the countdown to vacation. Chris and I leave Saturday morning to fly to Kansas City (yes, I know the photo is Chicago...hang on...). My brother picks us up for the drive to none other than Springfield, MO (I may or may not be related to the Simpsons). We'll spend a few days there visiting with the likes of these folks to the right (brother Jay, sis-in-law Jen, niece McKinzee and nephew Lucas).

We'll see just who's hair is longer--Jay's, Lucas's or mine! We'll also see my mom and step-dad, and even spend a day in Branson with everyone. Sadly, Yakov Smirnoff takes August off, so Chris's dream of catching a Yakov Smirnoff performance has been crushed.

After Missouri, Chris and I are driving up to Chicago, where I will be at a conference for a few days and Chris will be doing two Forgotten Grapes wine tastings. (If you are in the Chicago area...and some of you are...stop by the tasting event. Details available by clicking here: Forgotten Grapes Chicago!) Then we've even got a few days to play in Chicago. Art Institute, Frank Lloyd Wright house, there may be a wine bar or two...and hey, I hear there is good food there!

Why is this news? It isn't really. But note it had absolutely nothing to do with cancer. Nothing! Why? Because I don't have cancer anymore!! I'm just going on a normal vacation with a mix of family visit, work and sightseeing, like a totally normal person. I could get the hang of this.

Speaking of normal, I even watched the real live actual news today for the first time in a long time--probably since January. I've avoided television, books and movies that would be depressing or in any way sad (and believe me that's eliminating a lot) during this little precarious odyssey of mine. But I sort of missed knowing what's going on in the world. So who's this beer drinking Barack guy? Seems kinda cool. I'm thinking he could be big. Anything I should know?

This was a long-winded way (who me??) of saying, I may not be blogging for the next week. I've got to finish up much at work, pack, and...well, vacation...for a little while now. I think I may just take a cue from television and post a few re-runs. We can all remember what it was like back in the days UCLA was my home, wig-teens were my guide, and palm trees scared the bejeezus out of me.

I will however continue to collect the bizarre things people say to a nearly bald woman and dutifully report back. In bidding you adieu for now, I will leave you with today's gem from the "tact of a drunken bear" collection":

Me: "Yes, the doctors said all clear. No signs of the cancer."
DB: "That's great. But you and I both know the doctors miss a lot of stuff. Let's just hope they're right this time."

See why I need a vacation??
Cheers! A Bientot!

PS. Yes, I know it will be hot and humid. It's not like it's going to ruin my 'do.