200th Post--and it's Deja Vu all over again

Yep, it's the 200th blog post. And coincidentally, I journeyed back to UCLA and the good and great Dr. Karam again yesterday. And, for those of you keeping track, you'll quickly figure out that my 3 month check-up was only a month ago so there's no way it's time for the 6 month check-up. No, I went back because I found another lump in my right breast. This time it was right breast 2 o'clock. Deep breaths. This time, it's only a build-up of hardened tissue caused by all that radiation. But what a couple of weeks it was worrying about it! There's actually a funny story here and now I can tell it (because my parents read the blog and others who don't need to be worrying about me right now, I didn't post about this until I knew it was nothing to be concerned about).

A couple of weeks ago, I felt the lump. And just like last time I got a second opinion from Chris. He didn't think it was anything, but I did. In fact, I had a whole little spiral downward of "oh shit, here we go again." (You may remember I mentioned having a really shitty week? Yeah, this was the beginning of it). And then a couple of days later was The Pink Ribbon Place's professionals panel that I was moderating. Of course, Dr. Karam was one of the speakers. So after the event, when folks were still hanging about chatting, I mentioned the lump to Dr. Karam. He offered to exam me... uh...it..uh, the lump. It seemed like the prudent, if somewhat odd, thing to do--hey, it would save me from driving to UCLA. We set about trying to find a private room for a private exam. Recall that the event was at the Community Room of the Riverside Police Department, which isn't really set up for, you know, breast exams. But it was Captain Meredyth Meredith to the rescue. She's a breast cancer survivor herself so she understands the sort of panic a lump can cause. Off we went to her office, and yep, Dr. Karam examined "right breast 2 o'clock" in the privacy of the Captain's office, with her stationed outside (weapon and all!). Too funny. If, you know, I hadn't been worried that my cancer had come back before I'd even grown my hair back out! Dr. Karam's opinion (which turned out to be correct, naturally) was that it was hardened tissue caused by the radiation. I was relieved, but also noted that his bottom lip was sticking out during the exam and to me, he looked more concerned than he was letting on. Or, maybe that was just me. He suggested that I come in for an ultrasound, just to be sure.

I, being me, decided I'd rather wait until after Thanksgiving and getting some stuff taken care of at work before thinking about being cancer girl again. I underestimated how much the not knowing would weigh on my mind. I should have just recalled the "if this were any other dog" lesson I learned when Seamus was post-treatment. I should have just remembered that I once upon a time (long, long ago) had cancer and therefore I'm always going to get "special treatment" and need to have things checked out. It doesn't mean it's cancer. I'll have to get used to that.

Yesterday I and my lump and my entourage headed out to UCLA. Because hey, we may as well make a fun day of it, right? Brein and Roryann Clements and Sheena Meder and Ronaldo Fierro joined us for the afternoon--which started with Bloody Marys (aka spicy courage) and French Dips at Cole's in downtown LA.

Then, we were off to UCLA for my ultrasound. The entourage had Starbucks (and worried about me, I'm sure) while Chris and I visited with Dr. Karam and the ultrasound machine. The good news was, as mentioned, it's just hardened tissue. The bad news was my cough--which is just not going away and my ribs on the right side (weakened from the radiation) are really painful. So, I got a Z pak prescription (antibiotics). We'll see if that kicks it. But hey, no cancer! (The top picture is me with the entourage after I came out and gave them the thumbs up that we were free to proceed with our fun LA day without any cancer tagging along; which is good because Ronaldo "hates" cancer people. So he keeps telling me.) The ultrasound was otherwise uneventful. Chris did ask if it was a boy or a girl and looked really emotional staring at the ultrasound. But that's because he says it looked like pork belly, and he's a big fan of pork belly.

After those touching moments, we were off to the Beverly Hills Cheese Shop. Mmmmmmmm!!

And because that wasn't decadent enough, we made our way back downtown to the Pacific Dining Car for Caesar salads, steak in Bearnaise sauce, creamed spinach and onion rings. Oh, and there may have been a celebratory martini. And wine.

Ironically, in celebrating my good health, I managed to over-eat, over-indulge and feel not so hot that night, but hey, you know....it could've been a lot worse.

And that's my 200th blog post! (Now, just leave a comment so I know you're still out there!)

The River of Life

December 23, 2008: Doctor says "Highly Suspicious of Malignancy."

July 23, 2009: Doctors say "No signs of the Cancer" and "You are returned to the River of Life."

A seven month detour, that's all this breast cancer thing was. 7 months exactly, start to finish. There's the celebration with my boys--my two heroes from start to finish: Dr. Amer Karam and Chris Kern. (We're thinking Dr. Karam is growing out his hair for cancer too! It's a little strange to be the only girl at the table and yet the one with the shortest hair...by far.)

Yep, yesterday, July 23rd, was the final check-up visit at UCLA. I was able to schedule it so that Chris and I could leave in the morning, head to Mission Wine shop in Pasadena for some wine he needed for Forgotten Grapes, grab a quick lunch, get a mammogram at 1pm, see the radiologist immediately after that (no, seriously, immediately after the mammogram before I even changed back into my clothes, the radiologist was giving me the "no signs of cancer" report!!), see Dr. Glaspy (the oncologist) at 2pm, and then Dr. Karam at 3pm. We were at the Wine House (buying more wine for Forgotten Grapes...and um, me....and some fantastic cheeses!) by 4:30 and Bar Pinxto in Santa Monica by 5:30. An astounding feat in Los Angeles and with medical appointments in general. UCLA continues to impress.

The highlights--

The Mammogram: I've never quite had such a cattle call for a mammogram. They took five of us back at once. Which was great except there was only 3 changing rooms. We took turns, and when I came out I noticed I was the only one who had put my gown on open to the back. I was in the back of the group and had not heard the instructions that these gowns open to the front (and yes, that makes total sense for a mammogram--but wouldn't it make sense for the radiation too? And yet...open to the back). One of the ladies explained my mistake to me and I said "I had to wear hospital gowns everyday for 33 days. I guess old habits die hard." Then I went back in the dressing room and flipped my gown around. When I came back out everyone had that squinty "oh, I'm so sorry you have CANCER" look on their faces. And somebody got up to give me her chair. I laughed. I also explained that I had cancer but today was just a check-up to confirm that it's allllllllll gone.

I have to admit, I was a little nervous about whether the mammogram would hurt--the girls, particularly the right one, have been through a lot! I was concerned that squishing her in those plates would be particularly painful. It wasn't. Phew. When I was finished with the exam they had me sit in a separate waiting area to talk to the radiologist (right away. Did I mention that? Right. Away.) There was another woman waiting and we got to talking. She asked about my treatment and I explained "Lumpectomy, chemo, radiation, today is a check-up, but I'm sure I'm all good." She asked a few questions. Among them a very timid "were you just sick the whole time?" I said what I always say (and mean) "I was never nauseous and all in all it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Not even the hair loss, although I'm ready for it to return." She said she thought I looked great. She was also very kind when I came back out after talking to the radiologist and did a little clap when I told her it was all good.

Hours later, after Chris and I had been to Dr. Glaspy and Dr. Karam, we went downstairs to the Revlon Breast Cancer Center (I wanted to see if they have a resource center so I could steal ideas for the one we're working on!). I ran into the same woman again, sitting waiting for an appointment. This is 2 hours after her mammogram. I'm pretty sure she was there because her mammogram was abnormal. For once, I was happy about the things that came out of my mouth. I hope my response to having been through the whole experience was somewhat comforting to her.

Oncology: We saw Dr. Glaspy and I returned to his care "officially." Goodbye bitchy Rancho Cucamonga doctor with way too many patients and not nearly enough patience. Dr. Glaspy, you may recall, was the first oncologist I saw and recommended highly by Dr. Karam. He was the "river boat gambler" (the link will take you back to the post if you'd like a refresher) analogy guy and also the first one to tell me "100% guaranteed loss of hair." And not remarkably friendly. But this time? This time he was super friendly, super kind and full of super good news--which was basically that there were no signs of the cancer, I'd successfully completed all the treatment there was for me (since my former now-dismissed cancer was triple negative there are no medicines or hormones that they can also throw at it "just in case") and he doesn't recommend doing any additional scans because they can do more harm than good. He is the one who said "you are returned to the River of Life." No restrictions. He also said I am highly unlikely to die of breast cancer. It's pretty likely I'll die, but not of breast cancer. And that was pretty cool to hear. He even asked me about my law practice and how things were in general, so I'm thinking he looked at my chart! (You don't think I'm bitter about the Rancho Cucamonga oncologist do you?).

The Surgeon: Saving the best for last, we saw Dr. Karam at 3pm (and yes, Chris goes to all of the appointments with me and sits through all of the exams; that's why he's my hero). My scar is healing nicely, and those little "cigarette burn" looking things from the radiation stickers are almost gone as well. Dr. Karam did notice a little radiation burn that I hadn't really noticed before, but it's not painful. And that was it.

Voila. I am no longer a cancer patient!! My follow-up is just that I get a check-up with Dr. Glaspy every 3 months for a year, then every 6 months for another two years afer that, and then once a year until I hit that magic 5 year mark. My type of (former) cancer has a much higher rate of recurrence in the first 3 years, so that's why the schedule is what it is. I also get mammograms every 6 months for a few years (probably 3). That sounds highly do-able to me. Oh, and, I'm already 6 months into my five years. They start counting from the time there is no cancer detected in the patient's body. For me, that was actually after the surgery on January 28th. (Yeah, that chemo and radiation stuff were just precautionary.) 6 months down, 54 to go!

Dr. Karam I will be seeing more of. But that's because he's agreed to help with our Inland Agency Breast Cancer Resource Center!! And yes, he does know how far the drive is (he's done it twice so far). He's just that nice of a guy.

So much to celebrate! You'll excuse me while I go continue the celebration, right? (I did mention we bought some fabulous cheese and wine....)

Party People

We survived the Survivor party. You haven't seen postings in a bit because a) um, there was a party going on and it needed my full attention, b) I posted the Quinn Cummings interview and folks seemed quite interested in reading that so I left that as the "lead story" for a couple o' days, and c) I had house guests and limited energy!

But here, in no particular order, are some of the Survivor party highlights:

1) it was 106 degrees and people were melting. I was astounded at the number of people who showed up nonetheless, and many even came out from the air conditioned house to enjoy Michelle's spectacular yard. In the first photo is STACEY ALDSTADT, LAUREEN PITTMAN and RORYANN CLEMENTS, aka part of the world's greatest party planning committee. They had been working for 2 days straight by the time this photo was taken. (Oh, and Rory refused to be considered "staff" so she didn't wear her "Survivor" t-shirt; she's all management, all the time).

2) The travelers (photo #2) were author LORI LACEFIELD (Denver, Co; buy her book The Seventh Survivor!!), MICHAEL WAKEFIELD (Portland, OR), and JANE GIDEON (who drove down from foggy, cool San Francisco and withered in the heat but never stopped smiling)

3)We managed to avoid it for 5 years, 1 month, 1 week and a few hours...but eventually, Chris's parents met my parents (or a sub-set of "parents" anyway--my father and his beautiful wife Nancy). There are no photos of this monumental occasion as Chris and I both stood rooted to the ground unable to move in fear that there would soon be a breach in the time/space continuum. There wasn't.

4) Many friends from my many years on this planet showed up and melted with me. Photo 4 is from left to right, my dad JIM MCELHANNON (please don't mention that his shirt is hot pink; I gave him the shirt for Father's Day and told him to wear it to the party. He's color blind. He may think he was in a very sophisticated navy blue.) TOM DEGREZIA (dine at Pizzaioli and buy all your wine from Napacabs.com because they're good people and it's good food and wine!!), RICH GOLD and GARY BERG (Gary has been my friend for longer than BRIEN CLEMENTS--the awesome chef of Omakase--has been alive; but we tried not to discuss that fact!)

5) Beautiful young girls who I've known since they were born showed up and smiled when all of us old people gasped at how much they'd grown (that's MIMI DEGREZIA and LOREN DEGREZIA--my goddaughter, god help her!)

6) Not to be outdone by the group that broke through the Orange County curtain to appear in Riverside, there was an L.A. contingent making a strong showing. In the left photo: DAVE and JUDY DEL BOURGO (buy his book Prague Spring now!!), the good and great DR. AMER KARAM (yes, he is old enough to be a surgeon and apparently pretty outrageously tattooed; I'm still wondering how all the ladies at the party knew this!); and EILEEN AUSTEN (a fellow breast cancer survivor!). The photo to the right-ish is ASHLEY SMITH (who ran the LA marathon recently. Seriously!!) and COURTNEY KERN (Chris's sister, who nicely covers the Orange/ LA divide by being raised in the OC but living in LA currently).

7) And then there were my nieces, ELISHA on the left and NATASHA on the right, who were perfectly willing to accept pink cupcakes (with, ahem, Good 'n' Plenty centers that made them look suspiciously like boobies...in the cold. Thanks, RORYANN CLEMENTS!!), but did wonder where the pinata was, thus making us realize we had overlooked one awesome Survivor party opportunity: The Boobie Pinata. But, really, haven't the girls been through enough?

(Special programming note:there was indeed a significant Riverside contingent; and yes, JACK CLARKE appeared and closed the party down again. Those photos will have to come later as others were acting as photographer and I am anxiously awaiting the results. As is Jack, I'm sure. Let's just say the "hair-off" was a close call, but there was a clear cut cleavage winner. Enough said.)

This time tomorrow

This time tomorrow morning (call it 10ish as I type this) I will be all through with radiation treatments. Which means I will be all through with the big three cancer treatments--slash, poison and burn as Stephanie puts it on Bah! to Cancer. Yeah, I've got follow ups, and tests to be sure the cancer is all gone, and all that, but in my mind, I'm done with being a cancer patient. I'm a former cancer patient. Just like Seamus (you know, the Famous beagle).

I have to admit, I may have a little Stockholm syndrome. One starts to get in the habit of being a "patient." Plus I've met so many great people on this odyssey and have gotten quite use to the wonderfully kind, caring and fun folks who work at Vantage Oncology that I may--may--actually miss it. I have a follow up with them in a month, but that's different. So how weird is that? I may miss my treatment schedule! See what I mean--Stockholm syndrome!! Luckily, I'm returning to UCLA and Dr. Karam next week.

My post-treatment day tomorrow hit a snag. Laureen (something about a bounce house and forgetting that her age is actually different than her children's) went and twisted, tweaked and darn near broke her ankle such that she can't be walking around shopping, can't get a pedicure and basically can't be decadent with me (yeah, that's her ankle...or should I say "cankle"; and yeah, it's worse than my swollen chemo foot). So I opted to cancel our spa reservations (we'll do a raincheck in August, I think). I thought about just going into work and going about my day--after all I have the Survivor party bash on Sunday and that will be more than enough celebration. But then, I think tomorrow I'm going to be pretty excited when I actually finish. Just that moment when I get to say "I made it. I did it!"--it seems like I probably won't want to then just go to my office and draft an eighty page trust for someone. Instead, I'm still having breakfast with my blue gown BFF, and then I'm headed out to get more Survivor t-shirts. After that, I'm giving it one more shot shopping for a party outfit, followed by a manicure/ pedicure (and it's entirely possible STACEY ALDSTADT will be joining me). Then, I'm celebrating with the person who's been through it all with me and been the most fantastic support anyone could ever have in such a situation--Chris and I are going to dinner. There may be champagne. There will be toasts. And cheers. And general happiness.

Let the partying begin!! I'm ready for my life back.

(Yes, the picture is of Chris. And yeah, that's a Strawberry Shortcake hat he's wearing. Oh, you have to go to a Forgotten Grapes wine tasting event to know why. It's not just because it helps to keep that hair under control).

The 100th Post!

I'm a little shocked...and possibly embarrassed...that this is my 100th post! Kinda talking your ears off aren't I? (Or is it typing your eyes out...no, that can't be right....)Well, thanks for hanging in there with me. And in other milestones...with the help of reader comments, I have come to the conclusion that it isn't wine that is causing hives (more on how I know this in a moment). Clearly what's causing the hives is the chemo. Therefore, I'm giving up chemo. After Thursday there will be no more chemo in my life. Ever. It's a brilliant solution. Also, I understand that giving up chemo cures baldness. This is going to be awesome. I'm so glad I thought of it.

So how do I know it wasn't the wine? The weekend of course! I've been so tired (um, yeah, that might also be the weekend) I forgot to tell you all about the fun-filled busy weekend. Saturday night was our dinner with Dr. Karam at Omakase...so basically blog Break-out stars #1, #2 and #4 (sadly, Seamus aka Blogbos #3 was not able to join us; he's still howling about that) were all together in one place. Yes, the place had to be cordoned off with red velvet ropes and the paparazzi was barely kept at bay. And just to arrive, poor Dr. Karam spent nearly 3 hours in his car (a Prius!! ) to get out to Riverside. No, he doesn't live in Santa Barbara, he just got caught in some awful traffic on the 60 freeway. And yet he didn't give up and turn around. What a guy. Luckily the dinner at Omakase was more than worth it. He said he couldn't decide which was better the food or the wine. I suggested maybe it would be the company but he said no, definitely the food or the wine. (We kid. We kid.)

Dinner was fabulous and chef Brien does some just incredible wine pairings so there's no way I could not have a glass of wine. And maybe a sip or two of some of the pairings that went with Chris's dinner. No bad reactions. No hives. This may only mean that in the third week after chemo I can have wine, but hey, that's a start. We finished our evening with a nightcap at Mario's listening to some jazz. We had to make sure his visit was at least as long as the drive out. Oh, and I was a brunette for the evening (photo above). Dr. Karam claims he has emailed friends about the fabulous dinner he had in Riverside (that echo you hear is his friends collectively shouting "In Riverside????" Yes people. In Riverside, California. Omakase. Don't forget it.

We made it to the Festival of Books in time to see and hear TC Boyle (a favorite author) at 11. We also saw a panel on Fiction and Humor, which sadly was nearly ruined by a really crappy moderator who thought she was funny (and she was so, so wrong). But at any rate, Chris and I got to see our old writing instructor, Tod Goldberg, who is basically responsible for our meeting. We even met up with Dr. Karam again (so now we can probably call him Amer; until he puts that white coat on again) to roam the aisles of booths of books and books and books. Yep, two days of hanging with the good doctor and I never had to take my top off! I must be getting to the end of this cancer thing.

I only rested a little at Chris's sister Kati's very cute Beverly Hills apartment (there was Real Housewives of New York to watch!) before we headed out to meet the rest of his family for dinner. Great dinner (gnocchi gorgonzola...mmmmmm) and again I tested the "wine does not cause hives" theory to great success (albeit in moderation). But in hindsight, I can see that schedule was perhaps a bit much. I've been pretty tired these past two days. I think I may have now gotten enough rest.

Which is a good thing, since I had the blood test today which is the official start of chemo week. Tomorrow is the steroids. Then of course Thursday is the last, the final, the never to be experienced again chemo. Fingers crossed it goes as well as this last one. A little queasiness, a little weight gain (okay, 3 maybe 4 pounds...see gorgonzola gnocchi above)--that much I can handle. And speaking of weight gain, we're headed to Pizzaioli tomorrow night for a pre-chemo wine dinner. I won't be having wine (the night before chemo, even I can figure out that's a bad idea!) but I will be carb-loading in preparation! Chris will handle the wine portion of the evening. Look, if you ever have to go through chemo....I highly recommend eaiting and drinking well throughout. It's getting me through.

(PS...Seamus is feeling better. As anticipated, the hard part is keeping him from running around like a maniac and re-injuring himself.)