Before, During and After

I've gotten comfortable with my hair. I might even like it. I would never, ever in a million years have voluntarily cut my hair like this or become a brunette. And yet, I sort of like it. I'm not leaving it this short, and I may add a few (incredibly natural) highlights, but I am starting to look at shorter hair styles as the end goal instead of just wanting to get back to the same old same old long blonde hair.

Sunday I went to brunch with friends from junior high (oh, that terrible, mean, difficult junior high time!!). One of them (Hi, Tana!!) has a haircut sort of like mine (only hers is more stylish, because, well, she got to actually cut and style it that way). And that made me feel good; especially since she was the girl in junior high with the really long really gorgeous hair. She still looks gorgeous (and a lot taller!). There will be more on the brunch later, because of course, I have pictures.

Then, last night was the "Breast Cancer: Now What?" professionals panel that the Pink Ribbon Place put on. Over 40 women and men attended to hear our panel of doctors discuss breast cancer treatment and answer their questions (more on this later too; geez, I better start blogging more). I was the moderator so I was up at the podium and could see out over the audience. A roomful of women with hats, wigs, and scarves--all looking fantastic. It was a terrific event and I felt sort of oddly proud to be part of the group and I felt proud of "the battle." I realized again that the hair or lack thereof is the most and maybe only outward sign of this breast cancer battle. It's the only one I have still remaining (okay, two scars, but they're barely visible and only two of us ever see them). So maybe rather than thinking of the new hair as a scar or wound from the battle, I can think of it as a medal. I battled through breast cancer. I won. And the hair is well on it's way back.

Naturally, I have that journey in pictures:

December 26, 2008:

May 9, 2009:

And October 25, 2009:

And did I mention we're going to Hawaii in 35 days???! 2009 is looking better and better.

(P.S. Seamus is actually in all three of these photos--if you look closely at the last one you can see the very top of his head; it's just really hard to get a photo with Seamus actually facing the camera; especially the last two photos which we were taking ourselves. But he was there. He's part of the  kickin'  cancer's butt crew after all).

Thinking Out Bald

As I mentioned, this is my week for dealing with the hair situation. I've received quite a few emails, calls and comments on the blog with input on the wig situation. Seems that everyone views hair loss (for a woman, anyway) as really traumatic. And it sort of got me thinking about why hair is such a big deal to us and why the difference between men and women? Men lose their hair quite regularly and permanently and while there are billions of dollars being made in phony hair replacement products and methods and super-bad toupees and let's not forget the giant comb-over disasters, there still seems to be less of a social issue with bald men vs. women. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to hair loss--but I feel like in the scheme of things (you know, cancer and all) it's not the worst thing. For the few months I'm hairless and going through chemo, I just find it hard to believe that's going to be my biggest concern (yeah, I know, ask me again in a few weeks), and who's going to be mocking my "hair" at that point (note to self: get the shirt "Back Off People, I have Cancer" made).

But I was intrigued enough by the response from others to look into why hair seems to be such a big deal. That means a Google search of course. And yeah, "hair symbolism" brings up over 6,000,000 hits!! I didn't have to get far to find this:

Doth not nature itself teach you, that if a man have long hair it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her.So wrote Saint Paul to the people of Corinth (I Corinthians 11:14-15); the shame of one sex is the glory of the opposite sex. Indeed the debate over hair symbolism is both ancient and complex, and applies not only to gender but also to politics, as Hippies, Skins and Punks, and Rastafarians, among others, have recently demonstrated. Hair is one of our most powerful symbols of individual and group identity—powerful first because it is physical and therefore extremely personal, and second because although personal it is also public, rather than private. Furthermore, hair symbolism is usually voluntary rather than imposed or ‘given’. Finally, hair is malleable, in various ways, and therefore singularly apt to symbolize both differentiations between, and changes in, individual and group identities.

The Body Social: Symbolism, Self, and Society. Contributors: Anthony Synnott - author. Publisher: Routledge. Place of Publication: New York. Publication Year: 1993. Page Number: 103.

That just seems like such crap (sorry, Saint Paul), it almost makes me WANT to lose my hair! But apparently, when I do...I will lose my group identity. And this is before I even know exactly what group I belong to. Alright, so my Google search wasn't that helpful. Except that yeah, for whatever reason hair is a big deal for we humans. Again with all due respect to Saint Paul, I don't think "in nature" the female hairless Chinese-crested dog is any more or less embarassed than the male. Nor is the male poodle or collie any more shamed than the female. It's like he didn't watch the Westminster Kennel Club Show. (Yeah, everything I learned about dealing with cancer, I learned from dogs).

I do however have a wig shopping plan in place (I can't really be scaring off clients or small children) and a couple of humorous shopping volunteers. Later this week hopefully I will have a new poll and you can vote on which wig look is your favorite. Or, um, least favorite.

So, one little party secret for you--because it fits here (and Valerie is still withholding those photos!). One of the guests mentioned to me that last year she dated someone I had dated and that he still apparently had issues about me or us, or something crazy. But here's the part that cracks me up--he says I get by on my looks!! This cracks me up for so many reasons, to wit: a) this assumes I do indeed "get by", b) there's a time in my life where such a comment would have caused me to verbally eviscerate and feed the entrails of such a man to my pack of dogs (figuratively, of course; maybe), but that time left around my 40th birthday and I'm now reduced to "so he thinks I'm hot?", and c) I didn't "date" him. It was a drink, dude. A drink. And if the years since the drink are more than 3 times (yeah, three) the number of drinks had, it's probably time to get over it. Just a little rule of thumb there. But finally, I'm thinking it's a theory about to be tested. And I'm thinking I'll get by just fine.