BaldiLocks

This was a big weekend for baldness. Or, well, semi-baldness. See, in continuing my attempts at positive thinking I'm figuring the hair will start growing back any day now. Okay, okay, any week now. So I won't be bald that much longer. Now, I'll have stubble, and then a serious crew cut and other sundry short-short styles. And of course, there's the "it will be darker and curlier" phenomenon. But the point is, I won't be bald for that much longer and since I don't ever plan on being bald again (not that this adventure was planned...or virtually any other part of my life as it is today...let's not think about that for too long....), I decided we needed photos to preserve for posterity exactly what my skull looks like. And, you need an update on how Chris's hair is looking too. So here you have both of us.

Not a bad photo considering Chris is actually the one taking the photo (yep, it's the arm out with camera pointed in the general direction of our heads do-it-yourself shot usually seen in vacation photo albums). So you will likely notice two things. 1) Man, does Chris have a lot of hair. A lot. I will never catch up to that, and 2) I didn't lose all of my hair. Sure, 95% of it, but there are some strong little guys just hanging in there. We had buzzed it down to about a 1/4 of an inch back on March 13th, just before it really started falling out. So now those hairs have grown to be about an inch long. No reason to shave them, and I kinda admire their fortitude. When I get out of the shower and dry my head, these hairs stand straight up. Chris calls it "little hair, BIG attitude."

The second big baldness-ish adventure was that I went out in public in just the head scarf. Hey, it's hot out. I do have the hives/ allergy issue and I just couldn't see bothering with a wig just to go to Target and my office (even though odds are high I'll run into someone I know at Target). So, I just went with the scarf. When I'm on a project (like shopping!) I forget what I'm wearing and what I look like, so it's not really that big of a deal. (I probably would however, be acutely aware of it were I out and about bald...and somehow I expect there'd be stares to remind me. A nearly 6 foot tall bald woman is not likely to slip by unnoticed in too many places). But I did notice at one point that the scarf is a "cancer sign" and that certain women can recognize it. I'm sure I would never have given it a second thought prior to my diagnosis if I had seen a woman in a head scarf like mine. Just as I wouldn't have really noticed the super short, dark hair as anything other than a very practical hair style choice. Like sensible shoes (Hey, not my choice, but I can see the appeal for others). But today, twice, I noticed women--both in their 60s or so-- looking at me with this sort of knowing, kind smile. I didn't quite understand it the first time, but the second time, the woman made eye contact and I suddenly realized--ah, she recognizes the "cancer sign." She's "been there, done that" so to speak. It was actually a nice feeling. There is a good side to the "Cancer Club." I felt oddly supported, and she didn't even say a word. Just smiled.

So there's a photo of the head-scarf look. Just so you are in the know and can be supportive when you see "the look" too. The next photo...well, it's unmistakably the Chemo Coif.

All in all, this was a good weekend. Physically, I'm not back to 100% (and not just because of the hairdos) but emotionally and psychologically, I felt really good this weekend. Lots of energy and productivity. In many ways I just felt normal. And normal, like the five loads of laundry I did, has never felt so good.

The Fat Lady Sings for Chemo (Part 1)

It's over. But I'm not really the fat lady. Turns out between chemo one and chemo four (last, final, done, never again chemo) I gained a whopping 1 1/2 pounds. Not too bad considering how I ate. Yeah, I wanted to be one of those people who lost 15 or 20 pounds on chemo--but since I didn't want to be and wasn't one of those people who were nauseous and vomiting all through treatment, that was probably unrealistic. Of all the things that happened to me on chemo, nausea and vomiting weren't on the list. (Aren't you happy to read that? I hope you aren't at your desk having lunch or some such; if you are, so sorry.) Oh, and "knock on wood" since technically, I have 2 to 3 more weeks of potential side effects.

So, fourth and final chemo is over. That's the traditional Seamus "good luck" photo. Outfit was chosen by the gifts received--mocha wrap from JIM and TRUDI KERN (these are absolutely perfect for chemo--one can adjust for arctic blast air conditioning, crazy unexpected hot flashes, uncomfortable chairs, and just about anything else without having to worry about sleeves disrupting the tubes and needles. I may have to add this to my helpful tips list); the head wrap was from GARY BERG and RICH GOLD, and I love it; there was also plenty of Biotene gum on hand now thanks to STACEY ALDSTADT and then recently JOHN VINEYARD! Nice surprises guys! And of course, lunch was packed by CHRIS KERN (my usual pbj sandwich, a banana, pretzels and chips, mixed nuts, a banana cream pudding, and fig newtons, along with a Gatorade. No, I didn't eat it all. This was an "emergency preparedness" package. We never know how long we are going to be there.).

So, prepare yourself for a long posting. This was an interesting day all in all. First, we were an hour late to my appointment. Yeah, an hour. Ooops. the first 1/2 hour of lateness was because I absolutely could not sleep the night before, so when I finally fell asleep the last thing I wanted to do was wake up and get out of bed. I kept pushing it figuring I could get ready in 45 minutes, 30 minutes, 15 minutes....yeah, not so much. I can't even get coffee in 15 minutes. Then we raced out the door, took Seamus to Shawna D. and then I realized that in my rush I had forgotten to take the anti-nausea steroids. And those are, you know, kinda important. We had to turn around and go back home. This goes to Chris's point after chemo #2. At #1 we were like parents expecting a first child--we did absolutely everything they told us to do and then some. Perfect, model patients. By #4, I'm barely remembering to get my blood test, forgeting vitamins and anti-oxidants, not exercising, and then forgetting the medication! I don't know too many people with 4 kids, but I imagine you get more relaxed by the time the fourth one rolls around and it's an altogether different experience (Laura B. and Monica W.--feel free to chime in here! You may be the only people I know with 4 kids!!).

Being late meant we had plenty of time waiting around in the exam room, me in my paper vest and Chris with camera and notes ready. So now I can share with you the types of notices that are in the exam room. We've laughed at these each time, but never had the time to copy them down. Until now. So, in case you wondered what sort of support groups were available and why I didn't go, here's the only two that were advertised all during my treatments.

1. "I Can Cope" Cancer Support Group.
1st & 3rd Weds. each month 10a.m-12pm.
For Adult Cancer patients, friends and family
Enhance the skills needed for self care
Understanding feelings and relationships
Discovering resources and Celebrating Life.

2. "Sharing Support Group for Young Women with Cancer"
(for women under 40)
7 to 8:30 pm Mondays
This addresses the special needs of women under 40 diagnosed with cancer, such as dating, raising small children and working will be addressed.

You see my issues here? In the first class, apparently these are adults without jobs. They meet at 10a.m? On a Wednesday? Whereas in the second they meet in the evening--so I guess the retirement age for people with cancer is 40. Wish somebody had told me that before. And in the first--if we're enhancing our skills for self care, why are our family and friends there? And why are "discovering resources" and "celebrating life" connected? I don't even want to think about the exercises for celebrating life. I'm betting there was hugging. And crying.

As for number 2, really? Dating is going to be an issue during this? I'm not thinking bald, sick and exhausted is a time for dating. Especially if you are also taking care of children and working! And note, the over 40 doesn't address the "special needs" such as working.

But there you have it, the support that was available to me...er, um, not me. Others.

Eventually Traci, the nice, competent nurse practitioner came in to see me. Note, not the doctor. We saw the doctor scurry down the hallway once, no doubt in an effort to avoid me and my annoying requests to actually speak to her. But that was the sole contact with her on my very last appointment with "her" (ever!!). So in one consultation and 4 chemo treatments, I saw the actual oncologist exactly twice. A grand total of, I'd say 30 minutes. And that's being generous, unlike the doctor herself.

My exam went fine and I was given the "all clear" to return to normal eating, drinking, jacuzzi'ing and other activities after three weeks. Hello, Memorial day weekend of debauchery!! I now switch to the radiation oncologist and all follow up care will be through Dr. Karam and Dr. Glaspy back at UCLA (home, sweet home!). So other than today's trip back for my Neulasta shot...I'm all done at Wilshire Oncology. The nurses and the nurse practitioner were great--and that's really who took care of me, so all in all I suppose it went well. The doctor however was so incredibly frustrating and cold and uncaring that it really made it a more difficult experience than was necessary. I can't say I'd recommend the place. Besides, she clearly has more patients than she can handle (which, I suppose explains why she doesn't handle them!). But here's a photo of me in the infusion room with the two wonderful nurses who did care for me and did a great job. That's Nancy on the left (2nd and 3rd chemo rounds--which means she's the one that got stuck with me for the allergic reaction/ closing down the place chemo; and she never lost her cool or her sense of humor) and Marilyn on the right (1st and 4th chemos; Marilyn is a breast cancer survivor herself and extremely kind and caring--she even called to check in on me after my first round!). Notice we were even color coordinated?

This is perhaps an even longer post than I expected (have I mentioned the steroid high I've been on?) . And I've got to get some lunch and Chris and I (and Seamus) have to head back to Rancho Cuc for the Neulasta bone shot. All of which means...this will be done in two parts. I'll finish this up later. Really, it'll be worth it. I haven't even got to the part where the "Top Ten Lessons from Cancer" were displayed in my chemo area. Or the part where Chris "entertained" fellow chemo recipients with swine flu jokes. See, I bet you can't wait. I'll get it posted later tonight.

Brad Garrett Doesn't Care that I have Cancer

Saturday Chris and I decided we'd just go do something other than work or doctor's appointments or talking to people about cancer or thinking about cancer. That required getting out of town. We went into LA (a surprising choice, all things considered, but our car drives there automatically now) to the Los Angeles Art Show at the Convention Center. No, I know what you're thinking, and there was no velvet, no Elvis, and no mass-produced oil paintings of ships, children, flowers and sunsets. Yeah, I know, we were disappointed too!! This was a show that featured 125 galleries from around the world (and none with regular spots at the swap-meet). Anyway, it worked. We got to walk around for almost four hours just being normal people (really really normal actually, as the "art world" is as odd and eccentric as the Hollywood world). No one knew and no one cared about my breast cancer. Including me!! And just to hit that point home, in just about the last row we walked down there was Brad Garett perusing the art with a surprisingly normal looking woman. He didn't even so much as glance at my cancer breast! Brad Garrett doesn't care that I have cancer. God bless him! (and yeah, he really is super tall. Even I thought so. But, to find that photo for your viewing pleasure I Googled him. His bio says 6' 8 1/2". Now once you hit 6'8", really, what's the point of adding that 1/2"? Is he also 49 1/3 years old now?).

After that we went to Pizzaioli (yes, scene of the extremely delicious crime that was the fettuccine in Gorgonzola cream sauce). They knew just how to make me feel perfectly comfortable. It involved wine, calamari, wine, the aforementioned fettucine, wine, wine and as it turned out...a roomfull of bald people to start my adjustment! (Okay that's me with Mimi DeGrezia--daughter of the owners, Tom & Kris, but note all the folks in the background. Coincidence?? I think not.)


Support Group #2: The DeGrezia Family:
Thanks guys!