Jet Lagging

We are indeed back from a fantastic trip to Geneva, Switzerland and various regions in southern France. Chris and I have, however, both had serious jet lag like we've never had before (so I guess that means I can't chock it up to another chemo side-effect; hmmm...age?), so I haven't had a chance to blog--oh, and we were staying in a gorgeous but wi-fi challenged bed & breakfast, so I had no opportunity to blog while on vacation. I hope you don't mind, but I kinda liked being mostly away from the computer for a couple of weeks.

At any rate, as you can see, the lavender was in bloom...as were the sunflowers and a few patches of the Provencal red poppies were also still hanging out. More pictures later. But it's nice to think that this time last year I was a cancer patient just finishing up my final two weeks of radiation and still bald...and now, look! C'est la vie, indeed.

Graduation Day

Looks like I made it. Graduation day! And there was a final exam (where apparently I was so excited I forgot how one holds a pen):There was a diploma:There was a congratulatory handshake from the Dean/ Doctor (she's the one with the chin; I have no idea where my chin went in this photo; but yes, that's Dr. Hocko and she gets an A for this experience, as does her staff):
There was the returning of the gown:
The tossing of the cap into the air:

And finally there were flowers, courtesy of Barbara Ryan (aka "Gary's Mom"!) and dinner with the family (Chris...and then later Seamus).
With a Ph.D. in Kickin' Cancer's Ass, I think I'm marketable even in this economy.

It feels good. It feels really, really good to graduate.

Wine & Flowers

Sounds like a great date, right? Well, not quite. But a good evening anyway. So good there really isn't a blog post. See, the flowers were sent by Barbara Ryan (Thanks!!) who I've know since I was a 17 year old away at college with her son Gary. Nice surprise! And then tonight was the very difficult and hard work of tasting more wines for Chris's website (ForgottenGrapes.com if you've forgotten!). Here's the tasting team hard at work. That's Chris of course, and Brein and Roryann Clements, and Roryann's mom Holly Gunnette. And then the super taster Seamus, picking out his favorite. Me? I sipped on a white wine and took pictures. But that's enough to make me too sleepy for a post tonight. So, I'll just remind you to read yesterday's post and chime in if you have any thoughts on the topics raised.

I'm sure I'll post tomorrow. After all, I head back to Quest for more blood tests and so begins the countdown to Chemo #3.

Chemo--the Gift that Keeps Giving

I can't decide if I'm like a really old person or a baby. I pretty much want to sleep and eat all day--although it turns out I'm pretty fussy about what I can eat. And I wake up several times a night. Generally between 4 and 5:30 a.m., I'm just tossing and turning (and getting up to get Tylenol). So which does that describe? Great grandma? newborn? Or, chemo patient? Why would those things have anything in common? Discuss amongst yourselves.

I think toward the end of this fun chemo thing I'm going to have to catalog for you all (fair warning) the side effects they say are common, less common, and rare--and then list the ones I had. There's no point in doing it now, because I get new fun little side effects all the time. Today, my hips were hurting. And if I move just wrong, I get a severe lower back shooting pain. Stop, drop, pop-off shooting pain. I suppose this is the Neulasta joint/bone pain (they say it affects the large bones and um, my hips certainly qualify). And my head is itching like crazy--I'm guessing the fuzzy bits of hair are now wanting to abandon the cranium as well. It's amazing the numerous ways your body can be affected by poison. Or, well, maybe that's not so amazing.

For your sake and mine, I do not want to focus on the craziness. There was a lighter side today. I worked from home. Chris and Laureen handled the office, so I could stay home. Which worked out really well. I got plenty of work done, but could easily take a nap as needed. And 2 naps were needed, but that allowed me to put in a full day of work. Work is great for keeping my mind off "things." But it also meant there was no real reason for me to wear make-up or gussy myself up in any way. So I spent more time than I have before bare-faced and bald. And pretty much sloppy in yoga pants and a t-shirt (Save the Tatas!). I didn't feel bad. It was kinda freeing. Not surprisingly, this does cause one to examine ones face and skull--especially since I've never seen the skull quite like this. I wasn't horrified. This is good news.

I do have two scars on my head that are more visible than before--they are at what used to be my hairline and is now a tan line (face is several shades more beige than the top of my head, as it turns out, not at all surprisingly). One is from falling down my grandparents back door stairs as a kid, and one is from where my older sister stabbed me in the head with a fork (ah, sweet childhood memories). But all in all my skull is in pretty good shape. It's not oddly shaped and doesn't have too many bumps or protrusions. This is chemo's gift to me. I know what my skull looks like--most of you don't.

And of course the face becomes more noticeable without hair. I've heard several times that I'm lucky because I have a "pretty" face and thus will look fine bald or can "pull off" just the scarf look. This cracks me up. It reminds me of when I was first diagnosed and people would say "You are a really strong person. You'll do fine." It's nice and all, but both are statements with zero credibility. Because really, you can't say anything else. If a person isn't strong or doesn't have a pretty face, what are you going to say? "Wow. You are never going to be able to handle this. You'll fall apart. And oh good lord, with that nose of yours you'll look horrific. Best of luck!" No, no you are not. You are going to say "You'll do great. You're a strong person. And you have such a pretty face." You're going to lie! But thank you anyway.

Today, examining my new look with no make-up, I came to the conclusion that I'm lucky my face is just sort of plain. So nothing really stands out--which is good now. And really, I mean that in a good way. I don't have any outstanding features (okay, I'm 5'10", and that's hard to miss, but other than that) one way or another--no particularly great facial feature (or hair when I had it) but no particularly bad one either. Most people have one or the other or several. I don't think I do (feel free to point out what I'm overlooking. I'm totally kidding. Don't say anything.) To test my theory, those of you who know me, quick...what color are my eyes? .....waiting.....waiting......Right. See? They're blue. But not the sparkling, baby blues of literature and song (and Chris). They're a really dark, oceanic blue. Almost non-descript. But they're a normal size and situated normally in my face. So basically, they're just eyes. Plain and simple. My mouth is kinda small, but my teeth are gigantic, so that averages out to a normal smile/mouth. Nose is just a nose. Chin could be stronger, but the cheekbones aren't bad, so hey, once again, bone structure is average. I'm telling you, this makes "no hair" a bit easier--I don't need it to compensate for anything in particular (except, you know, my bald head). I had time to analyze this today (ironically on the day after excoriating the hapless author who had his character analzye himslef in a window reflection). No reason, it's just really--how often am I going to see myself bald and clean-faced like that? (The answer is, well, several more months, but I'm sure I'll get over this very soon. Like now.)

There were other chemo gifts today too. I got another card in the mail (thanks Christine) and Eliza and the staff at ADV sent the beautiful flowers in the picture. That was a very nice surprise. I like that it was just to remind me they were thinking of me. Very kind. And TERA HARDEN, criminal defense attorney supreme, is going to get my jury duty summons kicked to...well...as far as we can get it kicked! Thanks Tera! And Chris brought me home the highly recommended Strawberry Banana smoothie from Jack in the Box-- Thanks for that tip TC BOND!! Works perfectly for "chemo mouth."

I also got a little love from Luxembourg. Someone checked the blog. That brings total countries to 24! To wit: US, Canada, France, Germany, Australia, Belgium, Indonesia, South Africa, India, Finland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Pakistan, Serbia, Poland, Japan, Sweden, Czech Republic, Lebanon, Ireland, Russia, Luxembourg and Hungary. Crazy isn't that? Great job spreading the word!! Anyone know anyone in Uzbekistan?

Of course, Wisconsin still hates me. Don't know why. I love their cheese. But Wisconsin, Wyoming, South Dakota, Kansas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Indiana, Delaware, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine and Alaska have all been too busy (shoveling snow and dealing with tornado warnings?) to check the blog. We're working on them though.

So yes, chemo is the gift that keeps on giving. Even if I'm making up some of the fun myself (Google analytics is endlessly amusing). But you'll be happy to know we have no big plans for this weekend. We are thinking we'll have a nice relaxing weekend...in anticipation of Day 12 on Monday. Will she crash or won't she?? I'm thinking postively. I'm registered for the Shop to Stop Breast Cancer at the Marriott Monday night. And my Cancer Vixen t-shirt arrived just in time.

Hair Sharing (a.k.a. Growin' It Out For Cancer, Month 2)

Back by popular demand...

So for those of you who have been clamoring at Teresa and pestering her about my posts and why I'm not writing more here and where are the posts about my hair, I thank you. Clearly I'm the break-out star on this blog (eat it, Seamus and Dr. Karam) and it's nice to know that I already have a built in fanbase before I ditch this low-rent scene like Clooney on "ER," Timberlake and 'Nsync, or Sting and The Police (if you can think of a better analogy for a member of a music group/TV ensemble who split from it and then went off to an even more lucrative solo career, please let me know in the Comments section so I can fuel my own ego) and head off on my own exceptionally successful solo blogging career (more on that later)...

But now, what you've all been waiting for: it's been exactly 31 days since I got my haircut for the final time in 2009, so it's time for another Growin' It Out for Cancer update. It's hard to tell from the picture up and to the left--since Teresa did such a crummy job taking it. What, you think I stop harping on her and cut her some slack just because she has cancer? Please--but my hair has grown almost 3/4 of an inch in the past month, slightly above the human average of a 1/2 inch per month. So while it's still lush and manageable, it is starting to develop into its classic pompadour mould. The front and profile shots better demonstrate this phenomenon:


Goddamn, I'm a handsome man. So as you can see, we're starting to get some layer differentiation between the top and the side along the part, and my primary back cowlick is doing its spiky, stand-uppy thing it always does. There hasn't been much growth on the sideburn (probably because I shaved today) and the back is juuuuuuust starting to brush up against the collar. It still looks short from afar, but it's starting to bulk up. When you run your fingers through it (ladies, just use your imagination), you can feel the hair pulling against your fingers. Not because it's unwieldy, but because of the bulk of the growing follicals.

So that's the update for this month. I expect we'll see some radical change next month when we get another 1/2 - 3/4 of an inch of length added on, the top starts to mushroom, and the back corners began to thicken like kudzu and drift down over the collar. I still won't look like a hippie just yet, but I'd probably get kicked out of the military with this particular style (well okay, maybe not the Air Force).

Anyway, that's the update. Continue to remain enthralled and send Teresa all of your feedback positive and negative (but mostly positive) through the Comment section below.

See you next month!
Chris

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Okay, back to me--this is Teresa again. Here to defend myself. Ah forget it. The picture didn't really serve its purpose, so I did mess up but it's not like you need more details on Chris's hair (but I will tell you he shaved just because he knows his mom is reading the blog and she hates it when he doesn't shave!)

But in other hair news....yeah, mine is leaving this mortal coil. But again, not like I was told it would happen. I was told (and I'd read) that your "body hair" goes before the hair on your head. Well, I kinda knew that would be an interesting call. I'm a relatively hairless person. I'll borrow a line from my father: "Hair don't grow on steel." (He says it in reference to his chest. He's of a generation that preceded men shaving their chests. Plus, he's from Georgia. Say it with a southern accent. Yep. You got it.). See, the hair on my arms could fall off all at once right in front of you and you wouldn't notice. Neither would I. Same with the upper half of my legs (I don't shave the top half--never have and never have needed to; and you just plain can't tell. TMI?) Chris and I both looked tonight and we can't really tell if there's been hair loss. But when I got up and brushed my hair this morning an unusually large portion of it stayed in the brush. Okay, granted, after the hell that was my Monday and the purgatory that was my Tuesday, this was the first real brushing my hair had in 48 hours, so maybe it started yesterday but day old hairspray and the sweaty mass that it was in just kept it all sort of glued on (TMI again?). So I finished gently brushing it out and then took a shower, fully expecting I would see most of it pile up in the drain. It didn't happen. Not much came out at all. Some, but not much.

Naturally, I used a ton of conditioner to make combing it out as easy as possible. Which worked. I lost a little more while combing, but again there are no gaping bald spots on my head. So, next up was the styling issue. I really wanted to stretch this out one more day (okay, honestly, I'd like to stretch to Friday so my "regularly scheduled" head-shaving could occur). So I opted to let my straight, wimpy, totally unstyled hair dry by itself (confident a blow dryer and round brush and all that would be my hair's true demise) and then I pulled it back as gently as I could into the ever-classic ponytail. At least that's what I told myself. Of course all day I expected the ponytail to just fall off.

Once I got home, ponytail intact, I was convinced that when I took my hair out of the ponytail it would then just drop to the floor ( like a rubber band was somehow holding my hair onto my head; apparently I have dramatic flair. Who knew?). Again it didn't. So now I'm convinced that when I get up tomorrow morning, my hair won't. It will just stay right there on the pillow sleeping in. And if so, of course you will all find out which wig was the winning wig (winning in this case meaning purchased; which may or may not be the top vote getter--it's my chemo world; I get veto power. Call me W. No, don't. Don't you dare.) Because I have two new client meetings tomorrow and I don't think a bald or wild stray-haired partially bald attorney is what anybody has in mind, so I don't want to scare them off.

On a lighter, more floral note, Chris did mention that Duane and Kelly Roberts sent flowers on the very day I was shaking and baking and losing all my white blood cells. I don't think they knew that but their timing was terrific. And Chris was indeed joking about wine instead...he knows I can't drink that anymore (sadly, it all tastes like dirt now due to those great metallic taste buds of mine). But honestly, they could have hidden a case of wine in this arrangement and we wouldn't find it for months. Look at this thing!! Okay, wait, maybe you can't tell scale from that. Once again, it's Seamus to the rescue. Okay, Seamus weighs 30 pounds and is probably 15" tall. Here he is dwarfed by the flowers:

Now that was a nice surprise to receive on such a crappy, crappy day. So thanks Duane and Kelly, and Carol who helped arrange it, and the poor Flowerloft delivery person who had to carry this! (But doesn't Flowerloft do fantastic work??)

And on a final, final note: Which do we think will get out of control first--Chris's hair or his ego? Alright, he deserves to feel good about himself. He's been awfully good with his two cancer patients lately. Oh! Seamus's cancer check up went just fine yesterday. And yes, Chris had to drive him to Tustin for that. Funny isn't it? Well, maybe not to Chris.

Clean Margins and Dirty Martinis

Two posts in one day! It's like I'm sitting around recovering from surgery with nothing to do...
But I do have some really excellent news to share. The Carneys stopped by and Francis made me his world famous dry martini! So yep, I've had my first post-surgery drink!! Woo-hoo!!! Oh, and the doctor called and said the "margins were clean"--which means they got the whole tumor and I'm through with surgery. Cheers again!! Drinks for all my friends!

And here's how the rest of my day went:
Yeah, Seamus is exhausted because he hates delivery people and they kept showing up with flowers. He spent the day chasing them off. He's wiped out from this.

Flowers are from mom & Ted (top left), The board of Alternatives to Domestic Violence (top right) and the board, staff and volunteers of the Riverside Humane Society. I thought they were just happy I took a leave of absence from their boards for a few months, but they genuinely seemed to be wishing me a speedy recovery!

I also was able to shower and semi style my hair today. No one is happier about this than I am...well, except Chris. I'm pretty sure he's happy about that.

So Friday was a pretty good day, all in all. And a special thanks to another support team:

My assistant Michelle, on the left, and paralegal Laureen (on the right, but you probably figured that out), kept my office going all week. At least I think they did. But they were wearing the pink ribbon pins and "Together We Can" solidarity bracelets all week, so what could possibly have gone wrong?? It's all fine, I'm sure it's fine. It's fine. I was only gone 3 1/2 days. I'm sure I still have a law practice. Of course I do. It's fine. I'm good.
Martini anyone?

Our Very Breast Adventure--part 1

We have arrived at the Angeleno hotel and I must say, it's adding to my delusion that I am on a nice long vacation weekend with Chris! Great hotel. And they put us on the Getty side, not the freeway side, which is (or at least will be) super helpful. The feathertop bed looks fabulous as well. See, total vacation! (surgery extra).

Michelle (my assistant) emailed me a photo of flowers that arrived at the office for me...just right after I left. Sweet clients! And yes, great assistant. Here's how I'm enjoying the flowers:

That's right--I'm enjoying them "virtually" and sharing them with you (my two faithful readers).

As we checked in the desk clerk asked if we wanted dinner reservations at the restaurant up top (Italian steak house...I could probably have a fettuccine in a rich cream sauce!). It was tempting for a "last meal." But clearly I cannot think that far ahead. I didn't pack anything remotely dinner-date like to wear. Dang. Room service it is. Just as soon as the lab rat experience is over. Oh, and the researchers called as we were driving in. Apparently I'm to look for a "young man and a young woman" Scott and...hmmm...Susan was it? They are the folks conducting the research. They are physicists. Wow. Add that to the list of professionals I've seen in January. I'll see if I can talk them into pictures too. I wonder if they'll be wearing pink?