Reunions

Day 3: In which Wineapalooza heads to Florence...and gets a tasting break.

Chris knows me well. Which means he knows better than to try to get me to be up early and out the door doing "things" (anything, anything at all) three mornings in a row. So Day 3 started with a sleep-in. Breakfast in bed at the hotel. Much coffee. Check out was at noon, or I'd probably still be in bed at the Marriott in downtown Portland.  We had a leisurely day ahead of us though. We were going to meander our way down to Florence, OR where we'd meet up with my high school buddy and best friend Corby and her new husband...who just happens to also be her high school love. They dated the summer after we graduated from high school--he was three entire years older than us (really significant back then!) and the "cool guy in the band." She was giddy. But it didn't last (who could get over that age difference?? ;-) ) and they broke up. They each went on to marry other people, they each had a son, then a daughter, then a divorce. Then he looked her up and ....boom! They were back in love and before you knew it, almost 30 years after their first date, they were married and she moved up to Oregon with him. That was two years ago and this would be the first time I'd see her in her new happy life. So, I was excited to get there....but there was driving to do and wines to be tasted.

Our one and only wine stop that day was a good one--Ankeny Vineyard, in Salem, OR. (Notice the dog on the mural on the building? Yeah...you know I had to stop in.) Since we were only stopping at one winery, we knew we'd need some serious numbers. How about 7? We tasted 7 wines. We greatly enjoyed the Ankeny Sunset (bottle on the right above) which is a rose blend of 84% Pinot Noir and 16% Marechal Foch...which, you guessed it, is one of Chris's Forgotten Grapes. We also really liked the pure Marechal Foch (which Chris's notes call "zippy" and also brambly and "syrah like with a little zin kick."). Tasty stuff, but we had to get back on the road to get to this:

Kevin, Corby, Teresa & Chris

It was so great to see them! And, it's possible, there was wine with dinner. There was also quite a menagerie of animals at her home, so I got a kick out of that and got my animal fix (they even have two beagle mixes--but they're huge! twice Seamus's size!).

The giant (and old, but happy) beagle

The less happy (but pretty adorable) cat

Pet ducks! They're hilarious

The wild deer come right into their backyard! These two fawns weren't too far from mama

Mama deer getting a snack from Corby

A nice, relaxing vacation day. But tomorrow...it's wine time again. Tough, tough work...but somebody has got to do it!

Her Jane, Me Writing

Today I'm just going to send you over to my friend Jane's blog "Me Jane", because frankly, it's just brilliant (but be warned...you're going to laugh but you're going to cry). And also because I'm busy with some re-writes on my book proposal (per my agent! Did I mention the memoir has an agent??). I'm off for the next 5 days and planning to sink into the writing (and maybe a few home projects...but mostly, I'm all about the writing...okay, and some reading, but then it's the writing...I mean, I'll have to walk Seamus of course, but then, I'm all about writing; it's unfortunate I seem to have a cold coming on, but I'll power through it and write. Yep, that's me. Writer. Serious, serious, writer.)

And in honor of my five days of writing, and my friend Jane's brilliant blogging, here's a photo of me (right), Jane (left) and our other writing buddy Lori (middle, obviously) at the Maui Writer's Retreat circa 2004. Ah, those were the days...

A Miscellany Mess o' things

 We'll get to more Paso Robles postings, but two exciting things happened in the last 24 hours that must be shared.

First, for the first time in 355 days...I used a blow dryer!!
Right, okay, so I don't really have that much hair, and nor did it get blown out that big, but...the point is, I have enough hair that a blow dryer is...um, okay...it's not necessary, but it's helpful. I'm not sure anybody else could tell a big difference, but at least I don't have a wet head of hair most of the day.

See, last week I got my hair trimmed up a bit and my hairstylist added a little red highlighting to it. But  nobody noticed! This seemed like a monumental event to me so I thought people should notice, so of course I started telling everyone. And everyone squinted their eyes at me, tilted their heads and said "really?" Then I realized that when my hair is wet, it's darker and when I put product in it in my lame attempt to style what still looks like toddler hair into something that looks like adult hair, but not too adult, it just stays dark. You can't really see any "highlights" when there is no light hitting it. That's when I had the brilliant idea to actually dry my hair before putting any product in it. Hmmm... still no one has noticed. I'll have Chris take a picture of it and see if you can tell. Besides, we're due for another oh-so-stimulating-just-how-long-does-it-take-to-grow-hair-back-post-chemo photo. (March 13th is the anniversary of my head-shaving. A one-year-later photo would be appropriate).

And the second exciting thing was that I received my first blog award! I've seen these on many folks blogs, but have never actually known how they came about. Well, apparently they are just bandied about from blogger to blogger.  Here's the one I received, from Chrissy over at I Shoulda Been a Stripper:

 This is a "Sweet Friend" award and it comes with serious, serious obligations for the recipient. To wit:

The Sweet Friends Award has the following rules:

1. Copy the image and paste it to your blog.
2. List 10 things that make you happy, do one of them today.
3. Select 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

Alrighty then, so yes, it's like a chain letter, only without threats of bad luck or ill health (which would of course be remarkably tacky considering my blog is what is known as a "cancer blog"---not a blog that is a cancer, people, knock it off).  I'm going to sort of follow the rules, since Chrissy herself broke the rules (she also had less than 10 in number 3):

1. Check.
2. Ten things that make me happy:  Chris, cuddling with Seamus, dogs in general, wine, reading, the beach, travel,writing, napping, having a fabulous meal.  And the jokes about "doing" one of those things are just too easy and yet inappropriate.
3.  The 3 (right, 3, not 10...I'm improvising here) bloggers who brighten my day (besides Chrissy, who already got this award) are:
     - Roryann at   Cooking With The Chef's Wife
     - Sara at   Sara in Vermont
     - Stephanie at  Bah! to Cancer

Ladies, consider yourself awarded and now you must follow the rules for one who has been awarded a "Sweet Friend" award or terrible things will (or will not) happen to your life/blog/worst enemy/Kleenex (you choose).

And there's my mess o' musings for the day.

2010: Worst Year Ever?

I know, I know, I'm supposed to  be thinking how much better this year will be than last year. And I'm reading all the blogs I follow from other breast cancer fighters (beginning, in the middle of and all through with the battle) and they're all so eloquent and full of thanks and happy for the new year. But hear me out...

At the end of 2008, looking at 2009 (pre-BC, as will become apparent), Chris and I were feeling all smug about ourselves. I had spent all of 2008 working diligently getting my new solo law practice up and running and doing pretty well, especially considering the economy. Chris had finished his middle-grade fiction manuscript "Seamus the Famous" and sent it out to about 20 agents, getting a pretty good response and several requests for full manuscripts. Foolishly we said, more than once, "2009 is going to be our year. Things are really coming together."

BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

In an effort to not jinx 2010, Chris and I have officially declared 2010 the worst, most horrible, terrible, disastrous, nasty year ever. Ever.

The good news is, that means 2009 was not, in fact, the worst, most horrible, terrible, disastrous, nasty year ever. And in large part that was due to all of you.

So thanks to those of you who sent cards and flowers, who stopped by, who dropped off wine (!!), who watched Seamus for us, who made me laugh, who saved my life, who continued to act normal around "cancer girl",  who fed me, who emailed, who read the blog (and particularly those of you who commented), who kept my office running, and most of all those of you who cared, however you showed it. Special thanks to the good and great Dr. Amer Karam, who quite literally saved my life, somehow managed to make cancer funny and delivered the "you have cancer" news as directly and kindly as it could possibly be done; to my dad who went to the initial surgery appointments with me, continued to learn more about breast cancer than I'm sure he ever wanted to, kept me supplied with anti-oxidants and supplements, and medical research and information, and worried tremendously while taking great efforts to hide that he was worried; and to his wife Nancy McElhannon, who followed the blog and printed it out or left it on the screen so he could follow too, commented on the blog regularly  and had an infectious happy attitude all year (and for as long as I've known her!); to my mom, who learned what a blog was and then read the blog (when she could stand it and after my nephew showed her how), sewed head scarves for me, sent me little surprises ("to help a girl get along"), hosted the Missouri Survivor party and worried so much she got shingles; to my step-dad Ted Terbeek who got me my first "pink t-shirt" (the fabulous "Pink Heals" stiletto shirt) and helped so much to keep the calm in the initial diagnosis days; to my brother Jay McElhannon who called constantly, but not too much, who wanted to fly out, but listened to me when I said I'd come out there when I could travel again and who ran interference with the parental units when necessary ;-) ; to Chris's folks Jim and Trudi Kern who I got to know better and who sent cards and great, soft cotton wraps (perfect for the chemo chair) and then sprung for our hotel on the big island; to Corby Rhodes and her mom Donna Montgomery for coming out to visit me post-surgery and making me laugh like a teenager again; to Valerie Zucker and Stacey Aldstadt for the world's funniest "day after chemo" wig party, and a fantastic POP-C birthday bash (and to Stacey in particular for getting me to Dr. Karam in the first place!); to Laureen Pittman and Michelle Pierce, for keeping my office running smoothly, for pretending my wigs and my scarves and my short, short hair looked perfectly fine, for not nagging me to "take it easy" and for being the best "support staff" a girl could have; to Brein and Roryann Clements for incredible food, friendship and outrageous humor, but mostly to Roryann for letting everyone know the proper response to the news "I have cancer"; to Becky Whatley for countless humorous cards, a few drinks, much humor and again, for treating me the same with or without cancer; to my writer's group gals Barb Abel, Kristin Tilquist, Michelle Ouellette, Barbara Shackelton, Susan Brennecke, Patti Pettis and Dulce Pena for your encouragement  throughout (and continuing as I try to tackle this memoir writing); to Trai Cartwright who stayed in touch long distance, made me laugh and kept me tough; to Tera Harden and Brian Pearcy, devoted blog readers, suppliers of great wine and champagne, and even some really great lotion potions during radiation and especially to Tera for getting my jury duty bumped back; to Michael Easley for his friendship and his brilliant Pop-C and Survivor party logos and invites and because he found it too hard to look at the bald photo; to Zee Beard and Sue Mitchell--Zee kept the wine coming (she was the secret Cakebread Chardonnay fairy) and Sue kept the cards coming, but they both kept the friendship and support coming; to Jane and Francis Carney who had Chris and I (and Seamus!) to dinner at several key points (including the very night I shaved my head!) and always made me feel not only normal but strong (Jane sounded perfectly sincere when she said my shaved head looked fantastic!); to Barbara Ryan who sent me cards and flowers regularly and also learned about blogs; to Michelle Ouellette who watched Seamus on several occasions and hosted the fabulous Survivor party in her beautiful yard--allowing me to share her birthday celebration at the same time; to Jane Gideon who I think I saw more during the cancer battle than in the years before then, for coming alll the way down from San Francisco to celebrate my survival and for staying close and making me laugh; to Lori Lacefield for making the trip all the way from Denver and for reminding me that Bitter really is Better ;-); to Rich Gold and Gary Berg who also made the trek down from the Bay Area and celebrated with me after staying in touch and supporting me throughout; to Laura Ballantine who got back in touch and I'm pretty sure was the first one to read the blog and comment each morning, who sent me a Save the Tatas shirt and spread the "tatas" word in Iraq!; and who was a staunch supporter and defender against all the many stupid things many stupid people say; and to Michael Wakefield, who supported and loved and hugged and emailed and worried and finally just flew down to celebrate the end of treatment and enjoy that bottle of wine we'd been saving; to the blog followers who actually figured out how to join as a "follower" and weren't embarrassed to do so--it's nice to see those faces and comments so I don't feel like I'm talking to myself (in an unhealthy way) and of course, to Chris for...well, for all the love and for all of the above.

Here's to a no good, horrible, really bad, truly awful, 2010.
;-)

P.S. Inevitably I will have forgotten someone I had no business forgetting. I therefore reserve the right to update!

200th Post--and it's Deja Vu all over again

Yep, it's the 200th blog post. And coincidentally, I journeyed back to UCLA and the good and great Dr. Karam again yesterday. And, for those of you keeping track, you'll quickly figure out that my 3 month check-up was only a month ago so there's no way it's time for the 6 month check-up. No, I went back because I found another lump in my right breast. This time it was right breast 2 o'clock. Deep breaths. This time, it's only a build-up of hardened tissue caused by all that radiation. But what a couple of weeks it was worrying about it! There's actually a funny story here and now I can tell it (because my parents read the blog and others who don't need to be worrying about me right now, I didn't post about this until I knew it was nothing to be concerned about).

A couple of weeks ago, I felt the lump. And just like last time I got a second opinion from Chris. He didn't think it was anything, but I did. In fact, I had a whole little spiral downward of "oh shit, here we go again." (You may remember I mentioned having a really shitty week? Yeah, this was the beginning of it). And then a couple of days later was The Pink Ribbon Place's professionals panel that I was moderating. Of course, Dr. Karam was one of the speakers. So after the event, when folks were still hanging about chatting, I mentioned the lump to Dr. Karam. He offered to exam me... uh...it..uh, the lump. It seemed like the prudent, if somewhat odd, thing to do--hey, it would save me from driving to UCLA. We set about trying to find a private room for a private exam. Recall that the event was at the Community Room of the Riverside Police Department, which isn't really set up for, you know, breast exams. But it was Captain Meredyth Meredith to the rescue. She's a breast cancer survivor herself so she understands the sort of panic a lump can cause. Off we went to her office, and yep, Dr. Karam examined "right breast 2 o'clock" in the privacy of the Captain's office, with her stationed outside (weapon and all!). Too funny. If, you know, I hadn't been worried that my cancer had come back before I'd even grown my hair back out! Dr. Karam's opinion (which turned out to be correct, naturally) was that it was hardened tissue caused by the radiation. I was relieved, but also noted that his bottom lip was sticking out during the exam and to me, he looked more concerned than he was letting on. Or, maybe that was just me. He suggested that I come in for an ultrasound, just to be sure.

I, being me, decided I'd rather wait until after Thanksgiving and getting some stuff taken care of at work before thinking about being cancer girl again. I underestimated how much the not knowing would weigh on my mind. I should have just recalled the "if this were any other dog" lesson I learned when Seamus was post-treatment. I should have just remembered that I once upon a time (long, long ago) had cancer and therefore I'm always going to get "special treatment" and need to have things checked out. It doesn't mean it's cancer. I'll have to get used to that.

Yesterday I and my lump and my entourage headed out to UCLA. Because hey, we may as well make a fun day of it, right? Brein and Roryann Clements and Sheena Meder and Ronaldo Fierro joined us for the afternoon--which started with Bloody Marys (aka spicy courage) and French Dips at Cole's in downtown LA.

Then, we were off to UCLA for my ultrasound. The entourage had Starbucks (and worried about me, I'm sure) while Chris and I visited with Dr. Karam and the ultrasound machine. The good news was, as mentioned, it's just hardened tissue. The bad news was my cough--which is just not going away and my ribs on the right side (weakened from the radiation) are really painful. So, I got a Z pak prescription (antibiotics). We'll see if that kicks it. But hey, no cancer! (The top picture is me with the entourage after I came out and gave them the thumbs up that we were free to proceed with our fun LA day without any cancer tagging along; which is good because Ronaldo "hates" cancer people. So he keeps telling me.) The ultrasound was otherwise uneventful. Chris did ask if it was a boy or a girl and looked really emotional staring at the ultrasound. But that's because he says it looked like pork belly, and he's a big fan of pork belly.

After those touching moments, we were off to the Beverly Hills Cheese Shop. Mmmmmmmm!!

And because that wasn't decadent enough, we made our way back downtown to the Pacific Dining Car for Caesar salads, steak in Bearnaise sauce, creamed spinach and onion rings. Oh, and there may have been a celebratory martini. And wine.

Ironically, in celebrating my good health, I managed to over-eat, over-indulge and feel not so hot that night, but hey, you know....it could've been a lot worse.

And that's my 200th blog post! (Now, just leave a comment so I know you're still out there!)

The Holidays...so far so good

I guess I've been sounding grumpy in my blog postings of late (Chris informs me of this--he says I'm dangerously close to the "hey kids get off my lawn" old person except we have no lawn). Yeah, there's a reason for that (hint: I am grumpy). But I will say, the holidays have officially started and so far...so good. Of course, it helps tremendously that I don't really have to deal with them at all this year. Chris and I are off to Hawaii in 16 days, 11 hours and oh, call it seven or eight minutes. That's a whole heck of a lot better than this time last year.

Around this time a year ago I had felt "the lump." Chris had felt "the lump". Although then we were in the "it's not really a lump--it's more of just a thickening" stage. And I was in the "I don't really have time to get to the doctor and sit around for an hour or so waiting for my appointment" stage (my primary care physician is never, but never, on schedule). Eventually I got to the doctor and we all know what happened next.

My what a difference a year makes. I may have been not-horrified to hear Christmas carols recently. It's possible the commercials that already say "last minute shopping deals" aren't bothering me. I'm not throwing things at the television when sappy holiday movies are advertised.  I'm still not at the "I'm looking forward to Christmas" stage. Heck, I'm not even at the "I acknowledge that it's Christmas" stage. I'm at the "I'm so excited all this stuff is 'not applicable'" stage (also, I'm thinking I would like being Jewish right about now every year). But, I am acknowledging that Jimmy Buffett's birthday is coming up and I'm really, really looking forward to celebrating that on a beach with a mai tai and Chris and not a care in the world (I can barely type that without thinking I'm jinxing myself, such is my fear of this time of year; knocking on all sorts of wood).

Oh and the photo, that's Chris and I with our friends Sheena Meder, Roryann Clements, Barb Abel and Ronaldo Fierro after we closed down the wine bar at Mission Inn post-private party at Bistro O at Omakase for the Festival of Lights Friday night. I'm not going to say it was a holiday celebration, I'm just going to tell you we had a great night.

So far, so good.

PS. My next post will be my 200th post. Wow. Yeah, that's quite a year. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Living Strong

Thanks for all the comments on the last blog post (and a few emails too). Seems I'm among the last to learn this whole "balance" thing. I have however started consciously working on it. Not too bad so far.

This was a a busy week at work and I've been on a bit of a writing roll--the whole memoir thing as taken on a life of it's own (up to 60 pages of that really crappy first draft so far!). But those are both good things. It feels great to be writing. Chris and I also had some enjoyable time with friends  (and their dogs) when we "had" to sample some wines for Forgotten Grapes.

So that's photo number 1 --Seamus and co-horts Harold and Bobby--in our kitchen begging for some of Chef Brein's food while their humans engaged in a little wine tasting on the patio. And yes, we know it sounds like our dogs are from some private school. And Seamus is the foreign exchange student.

I did also attend a couple of fundraisers this weekend (old habits die hard; and the tickets were already purchased). Friday night was the Riverside Humane Society's Comedy Night. Chris was my co-M.C. and he did great!! (I might be biased, but it's true anyway.) And the Riverside Fine Dining Group's Gala event kick-off for restaurant week was Sunday night. Here's the best picture I have from that event (Becky Whatley and Scott Petersen at the Omakase serving table; and how awesome is that moon??):

And then here's me...hot, sweaty, but having fun. And can you note the important thing in this photo?

Right! It's my yellow LiveStrong bracelet! That's the one that my new friend and fellow Cancer Conqueror Stephanie, she of the Bah! to Cancer blog, got for me in Dublin at the Lance Armstrong Global Cancer Summit. It traveled from Dublin to England (where Stephanie lives) all the way to California. I sent her a Survivor shirt in exchange and if you click here (on this! right here!!) you can see her blog where she's posted a pic of her in the Survivor t-shirt. Which I just find really cool. One of the  silver linings to the breast cancer odyssey is definitely the people you meet (even online in this case). Odd, but true.

Oh, okay, so in the photo you might also notice cleavage. My plan was to distract people from my ridiculously short hair.  Not bad for a breast cancer chick though, huh?

Party People

We survived the Survivor party. You haven't seen postings in a bit because a) um, there was a party going on and it needed my full attention, b) I posted the Quinn Cummings interview and folks seemed quite interested in reading that so I left that as the "lead story" for a couple o' days, and c) I had house guests and limited energy!

But here, in no particular order, are some of the Survivor party highlights:

1) it was 106 degrees and people were melting. I was astounded at the number of people who showed up nonetheless, and many even came out from the air conditioned house to enjoy Michelle's spectacular yard. In the first photo is STACEY ALDSTADT, LAUREEN PITTMAN and RORYANN CLEMENTS, aka part of the world's greatest party planning committee. They had been working for 2 days straight by the time this photo was taken. (Oh, and Rory refused to be considered "staff" so she didn't wear her "Survivor" t-shirt; she's all management, all the time).

2) The travelers (photo #2) were author LORI LACEFIELD (Denver, Co; buy her book The Seventh Survivor!!), MICHAEL WAKEFIELD (Portland, OR), and JANE GIDEON (who drove down from foggy, cool San Francisco and withered in the heat but never stopped smiling)

3)We managed to avoid it for 5 years, 1 month, 1 week and a few hours...but eventually, Chris's parents met my parents (or a sub-set of "parents" anyway--my father and his beautiful wife Nancy). There are no photos of this monumental occasion as Chris and I both stood rooted to the ground unable to move in fear that there would soon be a breach in the time/space continuum. There wasn't.

4) Many friends from my many years on this planet showed up and melted with me. Photo 4 is from left to right, my dad JIM MCELHANNON (please don't mention that his shirt is hot pink; I gave him the shirt for Father's Day and told him to wear it to the party. He's color blind. He may think he was in a very sophisticated navy blue.) TOM DEGREZIA (dine at Pizzaioli and buy all your wine from Napacabs.com because they're good people and it's good food and wine!!), RICH GOLD and GARY BERG (Gary has been my friend for longer than BRIEN CLEMENTS--the awesome chef of Omakase--has been alive; but we tried not to discuss that fact!)

5) Beautiful young girls who I've known since they were born showed up and smiled when all of us old people gasped at how much they'd grown (that's MIMI DEGREZIA and LOREN DEGREZIA--my goddaughter, god help her!)

6) Not to be outdone by the group that broke through the Orange County curtain to appear in Riverside, there was an L.A. contingent making a strong showing. In the left photo: DAVE and JUDY DEL BOURGO (buy his book Prague Spring now!!), the good and great DR. AMER KARAM (yes, he is old enough to be a surgeon and apparently pretty outrageously tattooed; I'm still wondering how all the ladies at the party knew this!); and EILEEN AUSTEN (a fellow breast cancer survivor!). The photo to the right-ish is ASHLEY SMITH (who ran the LA marathon recently. Seriously!!) and COURTNEY KERN (Chris's sister, who nicely covers the Orange/ LA divide by being raised in the OC but living in LA currently).

7) And then there were my nieces, ELISHA on the left and NATASHA on the right, who were perfectly willing to accept pink cupcakes (with, ahem, Good 'n' Plenty centers that made them look suspiciously like boobies...in the cold. Thanks, RORYANN CLEMENTS!!), but did wonder where the pinata was, thus making us realize we had overlooked one awesome Survivor party opportunity: The Boobie Pinata. But, really, haven't the girls been through enough?

(Special programming note:there was indeed a significant Riverside contingent; and yes, JACK CLARKE appeared and closed the party down again. Those photos will have to come later as others were acting as photographer and I am anxiously awaiting the results. As is Jack, I'm sure. Let's just say the "hair-off" was a close call, but there was a clear cut cleavage winner. Enough said.)

Too Cool For School

It's Friday night.

My friends' Facebook status's are all about the fantastic food they are preparing for Sunday's Survivor party.

Chris is in the kitchen making BLT sandwiches.

My step-brother Michael flies in from Portland, OR tomorrow morning. My friend Lori arrives from Colorado later in the evening. Jane, Gary and Rich all arrive from the Bay area Sunday morning.

RSVPs to the party have topped 100 and friends are arriving from all over the place.

And this morning Seamus decided to dress himself (yes, he did this himself--by rolling around on top of a pile of laundry) in what shall hence forth be known as a "B*&#h Beater" tank top (Hey!! He's a dog!!! It makes total sense).

I'm a Survivor. And life is good.

Three in A Row

Three good days. In a row. I hesitate to even say it, especially with the danger zone days 10 to 14 starting tomorrow. But, it's 8pm on Friday and it's been three good days in a row.

Thursday was a busy day. My secretary Michelle dropped by with baby Jayden (aka The Hair Competition). Seems Jayden hasn't really hit a hair growth spurt just yet, so we're still about even. You can see for yourself.

We also went back to see Dr. Karam at UCLA. I'm officially doing good. Dr. Karam is unofficially doing very well himself (mine is not a professional opinion in the same way his is). The even better news is that it will be Dr. Karam who stays in charge of me (well, me medically/cancer-ly speaking) for the years to come post-chemo and post-radiation. I'll go back and see Dr. Glaspy, the UCLA oncologist, from time to time as well, but mostly it will be Dr. Karam. And he's going to call and check out the radiation place he found that is nearby my office. If it gets his approval, I'll go check out the actual facility. Seems I need to do that soon, since I now know (from the great and good Dr. Karam--not from my tight-lipped oncologist) that there is a lot of prep time for radiation treatments. I also now know it's my entire breast that gets radiated. Owww. So Chris and I have begun plans for a mini 5-day vacation down in San Diego and La Jolla for an extra long Memorial Day weekend--that will be right between chemo and radiation. I should be sufficiently recovered to sit on a balcony overlooking the beach watching the sunset with a couple of glasses of wine. Repeatedly. And it's not that far away.

Anyway, here's the reunion photo. Dr. Karam looking like himself, and me in a hippie version of the Britney, bitch look.
Our next appointment with Dr. Karam is April 25th--when we're treating him to dinner at Omakase (he's curious, since they beat him out on the Break-out blog star poll). And yeah, that means he makes hotel calls and drives all the way to Riverside...for fine dining.

We then went over to the Century Plaza hotel to meet up with our friend JANE GIDEON who was in town with her two kids on a little mini-vacation herself. The kids played in the pool while we hung out at the poolside bar (of course we did). In LA, this look of mine doesn't get a second glance. See how we blended?
Jane is a busy mom of two who runs her own successful PR company, so she doesn't read the blog daily (shocking, I know). No worries though, I filled her in on the cancer experience. Turns out, my cancer is damn funny. Who knew? Well, maybe it was the wine. (And Jane, really, it's okay that you laughed at my cancer. No, really. I do too.)

Speaking of wine...I have sadly, tragically discovered that the wine does indeed exacerbate the hives. I may not be able to have any more wine for the next 5 weeks (watch as the blog posts get nastier and bitchier...which is actually possible. Trust me.). I had no wine or alcohol at all at the hotel, or when we went over to Houston's for dinner. (Where I did have to pause for a moment when the waiter asked if I wanted anchovies on my Caesar salad. Normally, yes, of course. But are anchovies on the "no eat" list like sushi? I don't know. I hope not, because I told the waiter yes.) On the upside, this meant Chris was free to wine away, since I was the obvious designated driver. I had a latte' for dessert and that helped me make it home and through the day without a nap. We got home at 9:30. And now you know why there was no blog post last night. Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

Today was a nice productive day. Chris went into the office and I worked from home. I also got my hairs cut. And by that I mean my wigs. I gave up and asked my hairstylist to come by and cut and style the wigs. We practiced on the Sienna/ meth-maven blond wig (the short one I only wear with a scarf or hat) and gave it bangs. It now has a definite 60s vibe. Then she trimmed up Britney so it doesn't have those straggly uneven ends. With that practice, we went ahead and cut bangs into the red one. I really can't stand all that hair in my face and it will just be a lot more comfortable now. I like it a lot. (Pictures will be produced eventually).

Tonight , I may test the martini tolerance. We were debating whether gin (my preference) or vodka would be less likely to exacerbate the hives. Chris thinks vodka is the way to go (something about what gin is made from vs. vodka...there was a berry involved somewhere. I really should concentrate harder).

And speaking of Chris...the best part of Friday was an email from him. See the photo of the two turtles on the rock up there? That's the pond in front of my office, which they've been cleaning and repairing for the last week. Today the turtles were returned. Chris sent me this photo with an email that said "This is how we should be spending our days." I have to admit, I teared up.

Top Tips from a Chemo Loser

Look! I even found a pink Loser sign. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

So for now, on with the highly anticipated, much awaited, crowd-pleasing, no one really gives a darn "Top Tips from a Breast Cancer Loser to A newly Diagnosed and Probably so Much Better Person!!!" Let me be clear--this is not advice. I'm not one to give advice--note the reference to "loser." I get it. I'm not doing this in the spectacular fashion that so many inspirational, epiphany-seeking women do. Hey, I'm just trying to get through this with the least changes possible. I'm barely figuring this out for myself. But there were some really practical things that are working for me and if it helps someone, hey, why not? If any of this sounds crazy to you....you probably have a point. But you've probably also not been through chemo. Just a guess.

In no particular order:

1) Kiehl's Centella Skin Repair Salve (my complexion still looks and feels good--even after the hives!). Chemo takes it's toll on everything--skin included. I'm not one for skin care (I'm lazy; you've figured that out right?), but it was necessary and this product has felt fantastic. For your body, I'd also recommend Arbonne's Sea Source Detox wash--particularly helpful with the hives. And moisturize. It's not like you'll have a choice. Besides, now that you don't have to shave anything, you've got all that extra time.

2) Biotene toothpaste and mouthwash. So your mouth really gets affected. Dry, sore, and well...you can't floss and you have to use a soft tooth brush, so any extra help with the teeth is appreciated. Biotene was recommended by my dental hygienist when I told her I was about to start chemo. Bless her. There are times I want to drink the bottle of Biotene, it's so soothing. It helps for a short while with the "metal mouth" also. I've heard there is a Bitotene gum, which I'd darn near kill for, but I haven't been able to find it locally.

3) Books I'd read, in the order I'd read them:
A. "Five Lessons I didn't Learn from breast Cancer (and One Big One I Did)" by Shelley Lewis. I wish I'd read this first because it gives a nice overview of what a breast cancer patient is about to go through and gives really helpful tips. She doesn't pull any punches (hey, surprise, this isn't a good experience) but she delivers the information in a humorous and informative way--so early on, when you are overwhelmed with information, you can actually process what she's saying. It's got some medical info, but that's not the main point. See C below.

B. "Cancer Vixen" by Marisa Acocella MArchetto. This may not be for everyone--it's a graphic novel (read: it's a cartoon book). But, she also really lays out her story--good, bad and ugly--and again, it's imminently readable. I continue to refer to it just to check "is this normal?" And you gotta love her pluck. Or moxie. Or aplomb. But mostly, her shoes.

C. "Breast Cancer: Real Questions, Real Answers" by David Chan, MD. Okay, for the medical stuff, again delivered in a way that's easy to process and understand, this is it. Dr. Karam gave me this book--the author is his colleague. So of course, it's a good book. But, I did read others and again, this is the one I find myself going back to. I understand he'll have an update coming out perhaps soon as well.

4) Baking soda and water. Yeah, really. Quickest cure for the inevitable indigestion gift from chemo. Take that, then whatever you normally take for indigestion. That way you'll have quick relief, followed by the more long-lasting relief. Not kidding. And really, after you spend all that money on all those prescriptions, you'll be glad I told you this. (And thanks again, dad.)

5) You're going to have to do this your way. You'll get a ton of advice. Some good. Some crazy. Some you'll want. Some....well, you'll want to slap somebody. In the end, you'll have to just do what works for you and shut out what everyone else is saying. You'll find "your people" and go with that. Chemo and the whole overwhelming "I have freakin' cancer!!!" is enough to deal with. You don't need to also be trying to live up to other people's expectations. No one has the same experience. Cancers are different, treatments are different, reactions are different...hey, people are different!! (Who knew???) So no matter what people tell you--there is no "right" way to do this. (I'm sure there is a wrong way. And I'm probably on my way to finding it!).

6) Take naps. I'm a big fan of naps even when I'm well. But with chemo--it's a necessity. I find if I can get a nap in the middle of the day, I can keep going for pretty much a full work day most days (but let me be clear--this is nothing like the hours I normally keep; that just isn't happening and I have to just let that be....temporarily!). And I usually take a nap when I get home too. You probably won't be able to help yourself, so you may as well plan for it. I got a little fold out mattress/ futon thingy and I keep it and a blanket and a pillow in my office. Somewhere around 2 ish, when need be, I close my door, fold it all out and zonk out. It's fabulous. I don't know if I'll be able to give it up. How long can I make this last?? (Just the nap part. Will "Hey, I had chemo two years ago" still work as an excuse?)

7) Let Folks help. Okay, most days I can certainly take care of myself. Slowly, but surely. I can get my meals, I can work, I can run errands. But I get tired. So when I do those things, I can't do too much else. I'm not one to ask for help, so basically I sort of feel like if I can do it why ask someone else. But I'm learning (slowly, slowly; in true loser fashion) that my friends and family want to help and it is indeed a help to have someone drop by with dinner, drive me around on my errands, take me to lunch, and such simple but important things. Then, my energy is preserved and I can enjoy...say, blogging! I think this is key to keeping my spirits up (oh god, there's that "positive attitude" approach creeping in. Darn it!!) Chris is of course fantastic about pitching in and he takes care of a lot. Sometimes I try to give him a break by asking friends (or, more realistically, accepting their offers) to drive me to an appointment or an errand or something. And I'm getting better at "yes, please do stop by with dinner"--but first that was because I realized that would give Chris a well-deserved break. I hope you have a Chris. Can that be item 8? But I'm not loaning him out. I'm a loser and I'm selfish.

8) Dr. Karam as your surgeon. Okay, that might not work if you are outside California, but honestly, consider flying in to UCLA.


That's all I've got for now. I may have more to share. I'm also thinking I bet I could do a nifty little list of "ways friends and family can help a chemo gal" (and um, things that aren't helpful). Or maybe it's more "how to help." But, is that too selfish? Probably. But I'm making the list for myself anyway. So if I'm ever on the"'helper" instead of "help-ee" side, I know what to do. It's an art. But you guys already know that.

It's (Old) Britney, Bitch

Eh, Friday after chemo, overcast rainy day, drive to Rancho Cuc for a Neulasta/bone pain shot...why not rock the (old) Britney look. I mean, she was bald once too. Here's what I like about this wig...that's pretty much the hair I had through most of high school (right, Corby?) and, it's not an entire wig. More like a head band of hair, leaving the top bald/open (hence the hat). Much, much more comfortable. I sort of thought it was a blonde Cher look (so, I kept flipping it back behind me and doing that tongue in cheek thing she does), but I much preferred saying "It's Britney, Bitch" so that stuck. But then at the oncologists office the nurses all chimed in too (this is the 4th look they've seen) and depending on age they went with either the Britney thing or...Peggy Lipton on the Mod Squad. (And yes, one nurse said "What is that??"). Whatever the description, it was kind of a fun, comfortable look for the day.

Stacey Aldstadt gave Chris the day off and drove me to get the shot. Then she took me to lunch at King's Fish house where I had a wonderful and reasonably healthy white bean and smoked salmon soup with a hearts of romaine salad (smothered in bleu cheese...there went the healthy). Very tasty. And hey, I had an appetite on the day after chemo. This is good. Stacey even ran me by Target to pick up my steroid and Starbucks refills. Those are important these days. So obviously I was feeling good today. Fingers crossed that they've got my "cocktail" right this time. When I got home, Chris had the house all cleaned up, the dishes done, and was busy with his wine projects (have you checked out ForgettenGrapes.com this week--it's a great one, go! Go!).

Even the mailman and delivery people were wonderful yesterday and today. Chris received 3 boxes of wine (two bottles in each) from three different wineries sending him (free!!) wine to try for his Forgotten Grapes review!! And the mailman delivered a box with a Nordstrom box inside with a beautiful scarf from Gary Berg and Rich Gold to get me through, as the card said, "my follically-challenged days." Cute! It may be my Easter scarf too--beautiful aqua color. My mom sent three head scarves that she had sewn with a little padding up front (makes it more comfortable and stands it up a little--almost like there is hair underneath!). And there was another package from Trai Cartwright, a fantastic writer friend of mine and Chris's in Colorado. She was "inspired" by my blog (and me; I blush. Who knew? ;-) and had a shirt made up just for me. It's a black v-neck t-shirt with hot pink writing that says "Back off people, I have cancer!" and then has a bald woman logo!! So funny. Clearly the shirt to wear when I decide (mid-summer?) to just go bald. I'll wear it before then though--it's awesome!

The good day just rolled on when Sherry Landrum and Becky Whatley came by with Chinese food (and a stash of chips and guacamole to leave with me for later!). I'd been craving chinese food (I know, odd...Back off people, I have cancer!!....Okay, dad, had cancer. I had cancer. I have chemo.) So good friends, good food, I even sipped a little wine. (Shhhhh.) Nice day!

I'm good. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet day at home tomorrow, resting, reading, more blogging of course, and taking it easy. With any luck, my biggest stress will be picking out my Easter Brunch outfit--and hair. (Yeah, I know...we're knocking on wood here too.)

P.S. What do we think of the new blog look? The pink was wearing on me, and I thought this might be easier to read. Yes? No? Thoughts please!

Catching Up and Clarifying

I kinda figured I'd be getting a few comments about Thursday nights post. I just wasn't expecting the phone calls I got. So okay, first, I didn't have a bad childhood. I had an unusual one, but no better or worse than most. And my family is no stranger than yours (although it might be a little more, shall we say, extended). It's just the nature of families. And Valerie--of course I knew you were kidding and you aren't leaving me for those inspirational women. Please. With your attitude, they won't have you at their table either! As I said, there's a reason we're friends. And it's not for inspiration. It's got a lot more to do with the laughs. In fairness, I will share with the readers just how emotionally supportive I've been to Valerie (aka Louise to my Thelma...which will become clear in a moment). But let me be clear--she was a great support to me Monday night and has been through this whole cancer "journey."

Once upon a time, many years ago, Valerie and I ran away from home together, leaving the husbands behind (quite literally) and preparing for the imminent divorces. We shared a condo in Palm Springs. Not too much later we were cheering ourselves up over Cadillac margaritas at El Torito, when in walked Valerie's husband. With a date. My heartfelt and sympathetic words to her? "Well, um, if it feels like life is kicking you in the teeth right now, I'm just going to confirm for you that it is." That's all I had for her!! No "you're way prettier than she is" or "God has a plan" or "Quick, go stand by that super hot guy at the next table." No, nothing helpful or at all inspired. And she's still my friend! I think she even laughed. God I hope I bought the drinks. And I just realized my coping mechanisms haven't changed in 15 years. I'm still hanging out with sarcastic friends and sipping margaritas.

So those are my clarifications. Phew. When did everyone get so sensitive? Is it the cancer?

Now for some catching up. First, I feel great today. Great. As normal as I've felt I think since this whole thing started 3 months ago. I even slept solidly for 9 hours last night. 9 hours!! today I had enough energy to clean off my desk, write an article for Area 9 magazine, catch up on some emails and have a glass of wine with a friend and another one at dinner with Chris! And I haven't even had a nap.

Other things I pretend you care about: the cards have kept arriving (thanks Barbara Ryan! And Ricki, Trudi, Marcia, and Barbara Moore....and anyone I may have missed!). And Betty Rowe dropped off at my office the perfect gift during "hives" week-- a big bottle of Seasource Detox Spa Shower and Skincare gel!! I like it a lot and it seems to be soothing the skin quite nicely. I don't even think she could have known, the timing was so quick and perfect. And today Seamus unintentionally outed his little helper that previously dropped off the Cakebread Chardonnay. Seems the co-conspirator tried to sneak up today and drop off a bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir to congratulate Chris on his Blogbos award. But Seamus was alerted by something at the gate and set off the alarm (howl). Chris looked up from his desk and saw none other than ZEE BEARD at the gate!We invited her in and shared a glass. Of course, we also swore we'd pretend not to know and said she was welcome to drop off wine anytime. Anyone is, actually. It's the next best thing to appearing at my gate with a beagle.

Also, Wisconsin has checked in and shown the love. Thanks Pete and Heather Klug! In fact, the only states who haven't shown the blog love are: South Dakota (I broke my arm there; you'd think they'd care); Kansas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Delaware, Rhode Island and Maine. Not bad, huh? Oh, and 29 countries are now lit up on my beloved Google map. We've added South Korea, Austria, Croatia, Japan and Brazil.

And lastly, I washed my hair today. Pretty exciting for a bald chick, right? No, really, I washed the red wig. It seemed time. And yeah, it was a little weird to wash hair in the sink--while standing up straight. And it looks a little weird in the sink too. Drying it is a trick also. They give instructions on the wig shampoo bottle that get you right up to "rinse with cool water." Then I was stuck holding this mass of wet hair, wondering...squeeze? towel dry? comb? Hmmm.I opted to squeeze out the water, put the wig on its little metal holder thing (even I could figure out the styrofoam head was not an option for a wet wig) and use the wire brush ever so gently. Then I used bobby pins to hold back the sides in what I'm sure will be a futile effort to get it to dry so those stupid little hairs don't fall in my face. I'm sure I just created weird creases in the sides of my wig. I'm telling you, this was not a wimpy experience. Expect more scarves.