My Fading Super Powers

It's time for the story of my encounter with scarf kryptonite, especially since there seems to be a leak and it's spilling kryptonite everywhere. The day my scarf superpowers-- which previously had caused even the most hardened cynical strangers to reach out to (pathetically obvious) Cancer Girl with free banana cream pie and offers of assistance carrying things and smiles and door holding and all sorts of baffling kind behaviors-- failed me. And it failed me right here in my hometown at a place where I regularly go, where people know my name, where they serve my favorite and yet unpronounceable (and unspell-able) martini!! That's a picture of the scene of the crime. It happened at Ciao Bella. Which, apparently, means "Hello Beautiful Roryann and we can't even see your bald friend right next to you so we'll ignore her entire being" in Italian.

See, Roryann Clements (who, like Chris, is blessed with astoundingly beautiful, abundant hair) and I met for a secret lunch at Ciao Bella in order to plan a little surprise dinner for Chris's birthday (which turned out to be not a surprise at all, because he apparently reads my emails and Facebook page when I leave it up on my computer screen in my private office at work and he stops by unexpectedly and needs to use my computer... but that's an entirely different blog post). We (I'm back to Roryann and I; please try to keep up) were barely seated and had barely ordered our Prosecco when the server, who had walked up to our table from behind me, said "Rory your HAIR looks fabulous! I love your HAIR! That is the best HAIR anyone has ever had! Isn't having beautiful HAIR the best, most feminine, attractive thing in the world??" Or something along those lines. I may be paraphrasing. Naturally Roryannn did not thank her. She and I instead berated the server in stereo with "How can you say that in front of cancer girl and her glaringly bald head?? You insensitive whore!!" (Or something like that; I may be paraphrasing.). And much to our surprise the server left the table in tears and the next thing we knew another server came out and said "I guess I'm your server now. And Rory, your HAIR looks fantastic! I love all the curls and the HAIR color is amazing. And wow, Rory, look how long and luxurious your HAIR is!" We cranked up the stereo and played our favorite tune again.

That server too beat a hasty retreat from our table (but did leave the Prosecco and ice bucket behind). Not too much later the owner of the restaurant came out and said, "Teresa, I love your scarf. That is fantastic!" Which is why she's the owner. And why I was able to continue dining. That and the perfectly chilled bottle of Prosecco.

But the scarf's power is clearly fading. I also had a new client come in the other day and I had forgotten that the last time he was in I was still wearing the red wig. This time I was in a black pencil skirt, white shirt, black high heels, and a black and white and vividly floral head scarf...with dangly earrings. I could see the alarm on his face, so I explained ("Apparently I didn't tell you but I've been dealing with breast cancer this whole year so I lost my hair in chemo, and it's too hot now for wigs, so I've given them up. I'm fine now though, no worries. Have a seat. Can I get you some water? A fan? Prozac? Tequila shots?" I have it down now and can explain my situation in 10 seconds flat without making anybody uncomfortable; I haven't been able to eliminate the surrepitious glances to my breasts however.) And client says back to me "Oh, I just thought it was a costume or something." Wow. Costume. And as I looked at myself later, I had to admit I was an interesting cross between a waiter and a pirate gypsy. I think there's a job at a Vegas hotel somewhere with my name on it. But for the record, we don't normally wear costumes in my law office.

Given that the power of the scarves is fading, it was time to debut the new hair look. Because yes, I have hair. It's probably not quite at the lesbian-chic stage, but it does cover my head now. It's dark, baby fine and appears to be as straight as it ever was, but then it's not long enough to bend, let alone curl. After Chris's Forgotten Grapes wine tasting event at Omakase we went to the Mission Inn with friends JOHN and CARRIE SCHUTZ and John insisted on seeing my head. I think he was hoping I had less hair than he does, but alas, that was not true. But for the first time I was out in public without the scarf. Just me and my nearly lesbian-chic head (the photo is the bar we were in--the bald-ish heads usually seen there belong to old Republican guys). It's certainly a lot more comfortable, and John must have thought so too because he kept rubbing my head (it's kind of irresistible like that; I don't know why. Chris and I rub it all the time too. There's something very tactile about it.)

Today we were cleaning out our garage--because what else do you do on the first free weekend in forever when you finally have energy and time, never mind that it's 90+ degrees out! This did not seem to be an occasion for a scarf or make-up, so I didn't wear either one. None of my neighbors appeared to be frightened. In my next post I'll share the hair look with you too--and I'll be modeling the newly available "Survivor" t-shirt. Because it's almost party time! Ooooh, and Laureen and I booked our shopping/spa day for last-day-of-cancer-treatment Tuesday!! The scarf may be losing its power, but that's okay. I think I'm ready to move on.

(No servers were actually harmed in this story or in real life. All was in good fun. And Ciao Bella is a lovely place to dine. Awesome happy hour also. )