My Anniversary Gift

 If you've met me or been reading this blog in holidays past this will not come as a surprise to you: I hate Christmas.

Actually, it's much deeper than that. I loathe the entire month of December, right up to Christmas (oddly, I'm okay with the 26th through the 31st). I'd give you the whole long, sad saga of why but there's no need to bring you down too. (Let's just say it includes deaths, a coma and cancers--please note the plurals. And please return to your happy holiday celebrations as though you never read that.)

December 23rd is a particularly bad day historically, so I hesitate to write this before the day is completely over. But, I feel I must acknowledge...it was 3 years ago today I got the "highly suspicious of malignancy" phone call from my doctor. That statement was followed by "you need to see a surgeon and have the mass removed; not even a biopsy, just have the surgery." Oh, and that call came at 3:45pm. Merry, merry...uh, quite the contrary.

That was, however, 3 years ago. I'm fine now. Scar is faded, mammograms are clear, hair is grown back and chemo weight gain is finally gone (yeah, it took 3 years; whatever. ).  And dare I say it--I've had a very nice quiet day at home. I've been rewriting, and rewriting and rewriting the memoir (due to my editor in a mere 12 days!) while sitting by the fire with Seamus for most of the day. (Chris is busy at his new wine shop.) It's been, actually, unbelievably, a pretty nice day...but it makes me nervous to say that (lightening will strike soon). And while I'm still not up for celebrating Christmas or any other winter holiday, I have gifts for you. Let's just call them anniversary gifts, shall we?

As my gift to you, I'd like to share some blogs that make me happy. Blogs that cheer me. Blogs that are just so freakin' cute. (Although I follow many cancer blogs, none are listed here...I have a certain mood to maintain!). And as you know, the things that make me happy involve my alphabet life (alcohol, books, coffee and dogs). So please enjoy:

From Sophie's View (please don't tell Seamus I said this, but this is one gorgeous dog who has one fantabulous life)

Mutterings (watch this video in particular; it's so good it almost made me like Christmas!)

Going Gently (in my next life, I want to come back as one of his animals/ pets/ housemates. And only now that I had to grab that URL for you did I see that his URL is disasterfilm.blogspot.com, which gives you an idea of the humor)

Luna, A Dog's Life  (she's a beagle puppy...and if that's not cute enough, she lives in Australia with her two doting daddies who teach her all sorts of tricks.)

Coffee With a Canine (Coffee. With a Canine. Are you kidding me? How does it get better? --well, I'm holding out for Wine with a Canine....but in the meantime, I'm good with this.)

Sara in Le Petit Village (Sara is married to a French guy, has a great dog named Fifty, lives in a postcard French Village and has a terrific sense of humor; I'd hate her if I didn't enjoy her blog so much. And the fact that I won a book called "Dog Trots Globe" on her blog this week? That's just icing on the cake...or the croissant. Whatever.)

Greetings From Texas (Megan is, as her blog says, a "professional blogger, amateur Texan," she also just happens to be a young ovarian cancer survivor with a great sense of humor...and fashion!; This does not mean I lied about no cancer blogs being listed here...this is not a cancer blog. If it was, I might never have found out about UV Cake Vodka.)

And finally...

I Shoulda Been a Stripper  (I guess with that title I don't need to tell you she's funny. But it's worth noting she has two beagles. Which also means she's hip and smart. No, it does. It totally means that.)

And just as a side note, because it's worth sharing should this ever apply to you: American Dog magazine recently posted an article on where to get help paying vet bills if you need it. Now that's something that could really be a gift.

I'm dangerously close to being all perky and holiday happyish here and we do not want to tempt fate. So, let me hasten to add...

Bah, Humbug!!
And to all a goodnight.

Another Anniversary

Two Years.


Two Years ago today I finished treatment for triple-negative, Stage 1c, "highly-invasive", ductal carcinoma. I have a diploma to prove it. See:

Teresa with Radiology Oncologist Dr. Janet Hocko 7/14/2009

A whole different "cap and gown" experience, no?
Two years after getting through it all...two years of "survival".... here are my, admittedly random, thoughts:

1. I hardly think about it anymore. I forget that I ever had cancer. I can sometimes be surprised when I remember that I am, in fact, a breast cancer survivor. The other day I was alarmed when I saw one of my radiation tattoos...until I remembered how it got there. I also forget the impact the word "cancer" can have on other people. Thanks to Seamus's survival and my own, when I hear cancer I do not hear "death."

2.  I feel better. And I mean better than before I had cancer. I pay more attention to the important things (and by that I mean what's important to me--and I don't really care if that sounds selfish). I'm exercising more and eating a bit healthier, which is huge. Huge.


3. Not unrelated to #2, I weigh less than I did pre-cancer.

4. I hope I've been able to help other people (and other people's dogs!) get through their own cancer odysseys. I've enjoyed the online/ blog friendships and I've been happy to be able to talk or email with  friends, and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, when they were diagnosed and to refer them to the good and great Dr. Karam, to The Pink Ribbon Place or to some other appropriate place (second opinions!!). I'd like to think I've helped in some small way and will continue to be able to.

5. I might be slightly less cynical post-cancer (see #2 and #4 above). I might be able to say "Life is Good."

6. I'm also likely to say "I've worked out twice this week, why the hell aren't I a size 2?"

7. I'm a work in progress. But, at least I'm around for the progress.

Teresa and "Dr." Seamus--7/14/2011: Thriving

P.S. Yes, that's all my hair...if not my natural hair color. ;-)

A Garden

I've been away. Did you notice?

There are myriad reasons for this, but none that I feel like discussing at this point (which sounds very dramatic, doesn't it? It's not. Really.) But there is something I wanted to share. It's this:

Beautiful isn't it? But it's more than that. It's a Cancer Survivor's Garden! I stumbled onto another one...and once again by accident. And even more interesting (to me, anyway) is that only recently another blogger (she is a foodie blogger but temporarily also became a breast cancer blogger when that beast came knocking--she's dispatched him away and has returned to food, glorious food blogging) posted about stumbling into the very same Cancer Survivor's Garden in Chicago that I had also discovered one month out of treatment. Here's a link to her posting: Dine In Diva on the Chicago garden. And here's a photo from 2009 when I stumbled into that garden (hair comparison alert!...not hers and mine; mine then and mine now):

And...ta dah! Here's the Cancer Survivor's Garden in Rancho Mirage, CA with yours truly (and about 8 more inches of hair...it's wonderful what a couple of years will do):

Okay, well, it was 106 degrees out and so my hair is actually pulled back in a ponytail (a ponytail!!!) and well, I've lost 15 pounds but that dress is not doing me any favors in that department, but still....it's not about me. It's about these wonderful gardens/ park that Richard and Annette Bloch have put in in so many locations. I now know there are 14 of these parks. I kinda want to visit them all (especially the one in New Orleans!).   At this particular park there is also a "Positive Mental Attitude Walk" (and a part of me knows there are those who object to this insistence on a positive attitude and those same folks have, in a way, kept me from wanting to blog, but I still think this is pretty neat).

You can walk through the garden and read these plaques with advice and encouragement as you stroll. Here was a favorite of mine:

Because I was so lucky to find the good and great Dr. Karam and he just happens to be male, I'm even going to overlook their masculine pronoun usage. (Slightly harder to overlook was the "a myriad of treatments"  on another engraved plaque!!)

And then there is the sculptures--depicting cancer patients making it through the cancer maze. I was trying to get the sign in the photo, so I didn't really capture the essence of the sculpture (106 degrees out...did I  mention that), but I think you get the idea:

And the R.A. Bloch Cancer Foundation, Inc. Also runs a referral service and keeps a registry of survivors (five years or longer). I think that's pretty cool. And I'm looking forward to registering. I'm half way there. They count from my surgery date because ever since then I've been NED (no evidence of disease). So July 28th will be the 2 1/2 year mark. But before we get to that....July 14th will be the two year anniversary of when I finished treatment.  We're celebrating with a little trip. And there will be wine. Stay tuned. (I'm going to get better about the blogging. I promise. I think.)

P.S. We were in Rancho Mirage for one of Chris's Sunday Night Chef Fights, which took place about a mile down the road from the Cancer Survivor's Garden and Park. It's like we were meant to find it!

It's All So Casual Now

Today I go into UCLA for my one year post-chemo check-up. My final chemo treatment was April 30, 2009. In many ways, it's hard to believe it's already a year in the past and in other ways it seems almost like it never happened. I seemed to have moved far away--emotionally/ mentally--from being "Cancer Girl."

Here are some ways in which I know I have moved on:

* I'm driving into UCLA today by myself. In the last year and a half of doctor's appointments, this will be the first one I've gone to without Chris. He's really busy these days with a lot of wonderful things and there is no reason he has to give up an afternoon to be my health escort anymore. Besides, the good and great Dr. Karam will be there.

* I like my hair now. (See photo; Okay, I was on my own...self photos are darned hard to do!).

* I had a phone conversation with a business associate the other day wherein he told me he had moved from "sympathetic" to "empathetic" with my "recent difficulties." I struggled to figure out what he meant and assumed he meant "divorce" (yeah, even though mine was over 6 years ago) and was trying to tell me his wife left him or some such. But no, he meant he'd been diagnosed with cancer recently. I had a moment of "I don't have cancer; what does he mean?" And had to actually remember that I did indeed have cancer last year!

* The first blogs I read on my blog list are no longer the cancer blogs. I still check them, because I feel oddly that I've gotten to know these virtual "friends" and I want to know how they are doing, but I no longer read for information or cancer camaraderie (I am occasionally reminded that I indeed had "cancer-lite" when I read what others have gone through and are still going through). I read the funny, single-chick blogs, the writing blogs, and the food and wine blogs first now.

* I forget to blog. There was a time when this blog was a daily sort of lifeline for me. Now, a week goes by and I realize I haven't blogged at all. Thanks for hanging in there those two of you who might still be reading the blog at all.

I haven't completely moved away from "the whole cancer thing." Chris and I both are still very much involved in The Pink Ribbon Place and in fact this Saturday is the sold-out Pink Carpet Premier event. 400 folks bought tickets at $50 a piece to an exclusive showing of Sex and the City 2 at a local theater. Guests will walk the Pink Carpet in front of a step and repeat banner of sponsor logos, while the local paparazzi snap photos and Chris plays the "what are you wearing" Ryan Seacrest role (I'll be playing Joan Rivers, I'm sure), then they'll head into the theater to enjoy a fruit and chocolate and other goodies food spread, a "swag bag" (absolutely stuffed with wonderful things from our many sponsors) and get a raffle ticket for "Samantha's Super Swag bag" (which has a designer purse, perfume, the use of an S type Jaguar for a weekend, dinner certificates, make-up, hair products, a fresh-water pearl bracelet, and allllllllll sorts of great stuff!). After the movie, there's an exclusive after-party at a local restaurant and bar. Another sponsor is putting on a tequila tasting and the bar will have SATC2 themed drinks (I'm guessing that means Cosmos!). But I have to say, this has been mostly Chris's thing. He and his friend Steve Holquin have done an amazing job of putting this whole thing together--that part of the reason Chris can't go with me to UCLA today. Too much work to do!

I'm no longer Cancer Girl and I'm happy to say I don't think about it much at all anymore. Breast cancer is now just a part of my history. I am glad to be involved in things like the Pink Ribbon Place and I'm looking forward to this event--just as me. Not as Cancer Girl. I think it's kind of a great way to celebrate my one-year post-chemo anniversary, don't you?

 (Is this one any better? I'm kinda smirking here--please don't take it personally--again, it's that self photo thing.)

Blog--aversary

I finally got around to changing up the blog a bit. But, um, this yellow bowl of sunshine-y confection is not going to stay. I was playing, and then I ran out of energy. So Big Miss Sunshine it is right now. (That photo was taken on the day I started chemo. Oddly, it's one of the few I have of Seamus and I together during the cancer-go-round. Note to self: get new picture with Seamus. Not surprisingly, I have 5,672 photos of Chris and Seamus.)

But it's sort of appropriate that the blog looks like a giant birthday cake. Because tomorrow (the 17th) is my birthday and today is a blog-aversary of sorts. I actually started the blog on January 12, 2009. So technically, it was a year old back then. But that was also the anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis so the blog anniversary gets lost in that shuffle. Besides, I didn't have Google Analytics on January 12th. Nope, I didn't start obsessing over blog stats through Google Analytics until February 16th, 2009. So here's what Google tells me about my year in blog-land:

There have been 16,192 visits (these are different than "hits"; I don't know how except that one is less violent)

There were 6,874 "unique visitors" (I don't know what that says about the rest of you)

Page views totaled 24,305

And the average time spent on the blog was 2 minutes and 23 seconds (which means you are really fast readers!)

Visitors came from 118 countries

All 50 US states plus the District of Columbia eventually checked in for a visit.

The top 5 search words or phrases used to find the blog included some variation of "the dog lived," but number 6 was "Dr Karam UCLA." Number 7 was "butterflies" (mentioned a grand total of 1 time on my blog), and my own name was a distant number 10.

The blog that sent the most traffic over to my blog was qcreport.blogspot.com.  

Not coincidentally, the highest number of visitors to the blog in one day (at least that Google recorded) was 107...and that was the day (July 20, 2009) I posted the interview with Quinn Cummings of qcreport.blogspot.com about her book, Notes from the Underwire (which is very good and very funny). The next highest was 88 on Friday, March 20th which was the day after my second chemo treatment when presumably you were all checking in to see if we'd have a repeat of the horrific white blood cell crash that followed the first chemo.(I disappointed you. Unless of course, you were actually hoping that I was okay post-chemo)

What Google calls the "top landing page" was the Butterflies and Blogs post. This makes me think a lot of 9 year old girls spend time doing google searches. With this knowledge you can fully expect a blog post called "Unicorns and Rainbows" very, very soon. No, wait. This blog is not appropriate for 9 year old girls. Never mind.

Google Analytics gives me a whole lot of other information, but frankly, I have no idea what it means. Oh, and I have google ads on the site and that has earned me $24.05. Well, it will once Google mails me a check (and I think I have to earn $100 before that happens. I'm going to keep my day job.).

I'm pretty sure none of those stats matter (but aren't you glad I bored you with them?). The blog was an important part of my process in dealing with the whole breast cancer odyssey. And I'm kind of attached to it, even if we are having issues right now.

Happy Blog-aversary to all of you who've been reading along with me. Thanks!

(P.S. Apparently there's been some confusion once again about leaving comments. I believe if you click on the word "comments" below this post--it may or may not have a number in front of it, such as "2 comments"--you will get a pop-up window which will show you the comments made and there will be a box where you can type in your comments. And there's a test to make sure you aren't sending spam. Because I want all discussion of prescription drugs and singles websites to come from me and me only).

It's Over...sort of

 [No, no, I don't mean that Chris and I are over. That's just a cute New Year's Eve picture I'm sharing (and what a shocker, we're at Bistro O at Omakase!!).]

An interesting, and I think very good, thing has occurred. I think my mental state as a "Cancer Survivor" is over. I actually forget I had cancer...and I only finished treatment 6 months ago. I forget that when people say "How are you?" and they tilt their head and squint their eyes slightly, they don't mean "hey, how's it goin'" in passing. They mean "you've been through an awful lot and I really do hope you are okay but I'm a little afraid to ask." I forget that it was only a year ago I was headed into surgery and looking chemo straight in the eye. I still forget that I have short, dark hair (my reflection has startled me more than once). Heck, I'm even forgetting to blog. I forgot to blog when I had my 6 month check-up and found out I'm still Ned (No Evidence of Disease). I forgot to blog even when they scared me momentarily at my mammogram by telling me I had to come back in for three more "special" shots. That cannot be good---but all was okay. I even forgot to blog that we went for drinks with the good and great Dr. Karam afterward and he got carded! My surgeon got carded!! He took it with good humor (apparently it happens a lot) and I threatened a blog caption of "My surgeon got carded". But I forgot! I forget to blog and this was something I was obsessively doing daily not too long ago. More on that in a moment...

I had dinner the other night with two friends who've both recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and it felt odd to be the one on the other side of the "journey" (yep, still hate that word in this context).  I had to work to remember what it was like at the stage they're now in. It really seems like a long, long time ago. Of course, much of it comes back immediately in conversation and I am oddly proud to be a "Survivor." But at the same time, other than the fact that I can help others when they get diagnosed (or, well, I hope you found it helpful ladies!), or help raise funds for The Pink Ribbon Place breast cancer resource center and the part where I still go for check-ups every three months, well....I think I'm just back to normal. I don't really give a lot of thought or time or energy to the whole "breast cancer" thing. That should be a good thing, right? I never really did have that epiphany, so I don't feel compelled to walk 3 day walks to raise funds; I'm not part of an ongoing research study, and "my" breast cancer was triple-negative (not hormone receptive on many--well, 3--different levels) so I don't have any continuing treatment. So where does that leave this pretty pink blog?

Luckily, the name of the blog is The Dog Lived. And boy has he. So I'm thinking that's what this blog will become. Just a blog about living post cancer (breast for me, mast cell tumor for Seamus). And living well, I hope. We have climbed/walked/ hiked Mt. Rubidoux twice now (Photo is Chris and Seamus on the last walk; then me and Seamus on the Humane Society monument about 1/2 mile up) and will for a third time tomorrow if the rain lets up; I am writing the "everything I needed to know about cancer I learned from my dog" memoir (126 pages so far!) and I took a memoir writing class (see where I've been in the 10 days since my last post?);  and I am launched into my duties as honorary (but I hope also hard-working) chair of the 2010 Shop to Stop breast cancer event. I'll update on those things but also, I'm going to just feel free to blog about whatever's on my busy little mind whenever I want to...and it may or may not be about breast cancer. It also may or may not be funny, but we can all hope. I'm mostly funny in a tragedy (see chemo blog posts) and I'm sort of hoping that's held at bay for a bit.

I also think, however, I will be asking my two friends who've now started their own "breast cancer journeys" and joined the C club to guest blog from time to time. No, this won't be at all confusing!

January 28th  (ha! my original post said 27th but I checked my blog and it's the 28th--see, I'm forgetting everything!) will be the one year anniversary of my surgery. Thus, it will be my "one year" cancer-free mark. They start counting from the time there are no signs of cancer detected and for me that was post-surgery (the chemo was just a little extra insurance, as was the radiation). I think I'll post that day...and then I think I'll change the look of the blog. No more pink.

Your thoughts? Comments? Hopes? Dreams? Prayers? (Totally kidding on those last few; get your own blog for that stuff!).