Second Base

See that? That's me and that's Seamus and that's a shirt you can have. Okay, wait, not that exact shirt...I'm keeping that one (also, you cannot have my wine...I get so few glasses of it these days). But the good folks at Save Second Base sent me some shirts to give away on the blog! Cool, huh? Yeah, Seamus and I thought so too (which is why he agreed to semi-pose for the picture--note the attitude he's copping though). It's especially cool since Save 2nd Base has donated over $30,000 to breast cancer organizations in the few years it's been in existence. You can read more about them and the work they are doing (and why) at the Save 2nd Base website.

I have a hot pink shirt (like the one I'm wearing) in size L and another in P (which I can only assume means petite...I've never in my life been such at thing and this could in fact be the first time I've touched an article of clothing in size P). And I have a green one (with hot pink writing) in size M. So who wants one? I realize you can't read the shirt, but I'm hoping you are not surprised to learn that the green writing says "Save 2nd Base." I'm giving all 3 shirts away in a drawing.

Once again, we're going to let Seamus decide. Enter the Seamus-shirt-arama contest by leaving a comment below--tell me whose breast cancer battle you are honoring (hey, it can be really easy...you can just say me!).  Seamus is looking forward to selecting more toast winners.

Other acceptable comments include...how's my hair looking? March 13th was the 2 year anniversary of shaving my head post-chemo. It's easy to remember because it was a Friday the 13th. That picture was taken on March 15th (a few days ago). But that's not quite 2 years of hair growth, because of course the hair doesn't start growing 'til the chemo stops. So that's about 1 year and 10 months or so of growth. I have to say...the color is bugging me. I may have to go back to blond. I see my stylist on Saturday.

Unacceptable comments are "how's the book proposal coming?" "Is the memoir done yet?" "Has the book sold yet?" or ... "Anybody can write a book!"  See where I'm going with this? Right. Crazy. The book proposal is back to my agent. I'm really, really, really hoping it's now "good to go" or at least only in the "minor edits needed" stage. Really. So much hoping that. I know you are too.

Comments between now and 5pm PST on March 30th are entered for a shirt!

Real Housewives (Remedial version)

Glad you all enjoyed my adventures with the vacuum. As far as I know under the bed is still clean (and Shawn returns tomorrow, phew). I did get this nifty plastic lidded container to store some of my very many boots and shoes and purses under the bed (this time on purpose and in an organized fashion) and I was fairly excited about that too. Chris has yet to show me how to change the vent/bag/ dust collector receptacle on the vacuum, but I'm not particularly excited about that anyway. After all, I've already vacuumed this year so I think it gets put away with the Christmas decorations (yes, both of them.) But I do think I have a future as a housewife. I really do. So I'm moving on to the next step.

Fake eyelashes.

Look, I've been watching reality TV and alllll the housewives of (insert chagrined city here) have fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake breasts, fake lips and fake relationships. I'm not willing to have any more breast surgery, thank you very much; my relationship is very real, I need to be able to speak in my day job so I'm not willing to inject things into my lips (how would I snarl at people??) and we all know I did the fake hair thing for several post-chemo months there and it didn't really work for me.  So if there is any hope of continuing the stellar housewife path I am on, I'm left with needing fake eyelashes. Well, not exactly fake. More like my own eyelashes on steroids.

Remember this post when I mentioned the lingering chemo side effects and you had no sympathy whatsoever you horrible beyotches you? Remember those included that my eyelashes would grow out and then suddenly leap in unison from my eyelids, crashing and falling down my checks to certain death only to return again a few months later and then, like some sort of crazed lash suicide pact, jump out again? You do remember this, right?? It's important stuff, people. (It's no vacuuming extravaganza, I know, but how would you feel if you came to realize you could no longer rely on your lashes?).

My doctor also had no sympathy and basically laughed at my concern but did prescribe Lastisse for me. That product that Brooke Shields hawks highly recommends to magnify, extend, beautify and grow lashes that will actually stay attached to my eyelid? Well, it's been a couple of months and I've held onto that prescription feeling silly about wanting it and also hoping my lashes had been reformed and would no longer run away. So far so good, my lids are not naked. But if I wait too long....well, then I won't have any eyelashes to put this magic formula on.

Off I went to Tar-jay (I think this is suitably housewife-y, but I'm pretty sure this is not where the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills get their lashes). And here's the thing.... the prescription costs $96 freakin' dollars! $96!! That's a lot of fake eyelashes!  I didn't get the prescription filled. My insurance does not cover it. The pharmacist recommended that I ask the doctor to indicate that this was "medically needed" and then maybe insurance would cover it....I can't see myself doing that (especially as I currently have eyelashes) and I really, really can't see my oncologist buying that for even one second. I can see him rolling his eyes at me and suggesting I get my fat ass self out of his office and to a gym--because he thinks that will solve all of my problems. (I'm determined to try absolutely everything else first, just to prove his hypothesis on a systematic basis. Rule out all the other stuff, don't you think?)

So, help me out here.... should I fill the prescription because a) eyelashes are important and/or b) you all want to know if that shit works too. Or, should I save my $96 and maybe buy a nice bottle of tequila that will make me not care about eyelashes...or what's under my bed? Vote by leaving a comment below, or--boy, this has been awhile--there's an official silly little poll to the right. (Now if only they had a little "donate here" button...)

Angels in My Life

Based on that title, you're expecting a mushy post, aren't you? Really?

It's like you don't even know me.

I mean the Anaheim Angels. Okay, right the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (but that's just so stupid; the Angels and Disneyland are NOT in Los Angeles. Sorry. Pet peeve on the loose).

The Angels have played a special part in my and Chris's (epic!) love story. Our first date was at an Angels game (June 12, 2004); we've managed a Angels game every year since (preferably in the Diamond Club. Ahem.), even last year post-chemo but in the midst of radiation we spent our anniversary at the Angels game (see photo to right: fake hair; fake eyelashes; real smiles).

But recently, we had the ultimate Angels experience. Well, ultimate in a year when they weren't going to see any post-season play (which is a nice way of saying they sucked).

We were guests of Bank of America in a Dugout Suite. Which is...Sweet!!! Check out these seats!! It's like he was pitching to us.

(real hair; real eyelashes; real happiness...and yeah, that sky's real too. We're standing, but our seats are right there. Right. There. Awesomeness.)

Dessert cart inside the suite. Oh. My. Gawd. Yeah, I went for that red velvet cake you see in the upper right. Did I mention the bar in the suite? Yep, that too. But back to the game...

Ok, so I had to use my zoom lens on this one, but still...I'm loving this shot. I may have a sports photographer career in my future. Or some next life. Truly an amazing experience to view the game this close up. It reminded me of the first time I sat really close up at a ballet. I was forth row center--close enough to hear the ballerinas grunt (occasionally), see their muscles quiver, and ...get sprayed with sweat following some otherwise spectacular spins. At this Angels game the crack of the bat was much louder, we could hear the players talking (and yelling), we could hear the umpire's calls clearly and even heard him "caution" the Oakland A's players who were getting a little, well, rude about his calls. We could even get dusty from the field.

This shot was taken before the game started (and it was hot out, so most folks are inside the suite...where the bar and the food were), but gives you an idea just how cool our seats were.

Yep. Loving those Angels in my life.

Two Steps Forward...Two, Maybe Three Back

Alrighty then...so I've made it 2/3 of the way through my volunteer gauntlet. The Shop to Stop Breast Cancer was a big success (that's me with Roryann Clements and Sheena Meder at the event) and a fun evening. Both of my client seminars also went well. And this morning was the Walk With the Animals followed by Sheena and Ronaldo's housewarming party (luckily, dogs were invited too so we just went from one event to the next). You can see just how much Seamus enjoyed his day--this is him at the Walk with the Animals  pancake breakfast (syrup on the paws...yummy, and not at all messy.) He was much better behaved here than he was later at the housewarming where he barked at guests until they fed him. And they all fed him.

So what should have been left on my itinerary was just Alternatives to Domestic Violence's Professionals and Community Leaders Luncheon of which I am the chairperson with a few speaking duties. That's Tuesday and would have been the end of my crazy stretch of over-doing it.

But no. I failed to say "no" once again. So Wednesday night I will serve as co-auctioneer at the Chamber of Commerce Inaugural Ball. Two reasons I couldn't say no (beyond the usual failure to recall that word): 1) Jack Clarke asked me to be the Co M.C. and usually its me dragging him into things, so I owed him one, and 2) the party theme is "It's 5 o'clock Somewhere"/ Jimmy Buffett style and I'm a huge JB fan. I'm rationalizing this by saying it's only a small part. I'm not organizing it, I'm not selling tickets and I'm not really responsible for anything. Yeah, that's how I'm rationalizing it.

Then at the Walk with the Animals today I was approached by someone from the "Bark for Life" American Cancer Society fundraising event. A dog walk to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Given that Seamus and I are both cancer survivors she wanted me to speak at the event this summer. I will admit, I find that one hard to pass up. It's like it's an event perfectly aligned with this blog. And it's not until June! We'll see if she follows up with me, but yeah, I may have done it again.

The other step backward is the fact that I'm not going to the memoir writing class tomorrow. I'm going to work instead. I really need to get some work cranked out and the class takes place smack in the middle of my most productive time (2 to 4pm).  I'm sad about that, but it's what I have to do right now. The fact that I will miss this class, and the way I felt after the non-profit events this week (generally grumpy and a little irritated) should be enough to help me keep my resolution to step away from the volunteerism. In stark contrast, I felt great after my two client seminars and yesterday when I worked at home and got organized enough to know I need to spend Sunday in the office and it didn't make me grumpy as much as just motivated. Hmmm..

Oh, and by telling you all about it, I'm hoping to shame myself into just saying no. Keep me on it, will ya?

P.S. Hating my hair these days, but there it is in the Shop to Stop photo. Too long to be edgy/stylish/ short and too short to really style into anything. I've moved from toddler hair to 6 year old boy.

A Miscellany Mess o' things

 We'll get to more Paso Robles postings, but two exciting things happened in the last 24 hours that must be shared.

First, for the first time in 355 days...I used a blow dryer!!
Right, okay, so I don't really have that much hair, and nor did it get blown out that big, but...the point is, I have enough hair that a blow dryer is...um, okay...it's not necessary, but it's helpful. I'm not sure anybody else could tell a big difference, but at least I don't have a wet head of hair most of the day.

See, last week I got my hair trimmed up a bit and my hairstylist added a little red highlighting to it. But  nobody noticed! This seemed like a monumental event to me so I thought people should notice, so of course I started telling everyone. And everyone squinted their eyes at me, tilted their heads and said "really?" Then I realized that when my hair is wet, it's darker and when I put product in it in my lame attempt to style what still looks like toddler hair into something that looks like adult hair, but not too adult, it just stays dark. You can't really see any "highlights" when there is no light hitting it. That's when I had the brilliant idea to actually dry my hair before putting any product in it. Hmmm... still no one has noticed. I'll have Chris take a picture of it and see if you can tell. Besides, we're due for another oh-so-stimulating-just-how-long-does-it-take-to-grow-hair-back-post-chemo photo. (March 13th is the anniversary of my head-shaving. A one-year-later photo would be appropriate).

And the second exciting thing was that I received my first blog award! I've seen these on many folks blogs, but have never actually known how they came about. Well, apparently they are just bandied about from blogger to blogger.  Here's the one I received, from Chrissy over at I Shoulda Been a Stripper:

 This is a "Sweet Friend" award and it comes with serious, serious obligations for the recipient. To wit:

The Sweet Friends Award has the following rules:

1. Copy the image and paste it to your blog.
2. List 10 things that make you happy, do one of them today.
3. Select 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

Alrighty then, so yes, it's like a chain letter, only without threats of bad luck or ill health (which would of course be remarkably tacky considering my blog is what is known as a "cancer blog"---not a blog that is a cancer, people, knock it off).  I'm going to sort of follow the rules, since Chrissy herself broke the rules (she also had less than 10 in number 3):

1. Check.
2. Ten things that make me happy:  Chris, cuddling with Seamus, dogs in general, wine, reading, the beach, travel,writing, napping, having a fabulous meal.  And the jokes about "doing" one of those things are just too easy and yet inappropriate.
3.  The 3 (right, 3, not 10...I'm improvising here) bloggers who brighten my day (besides Chrissy, who already got this award) are:
     - Roryann at   Cooking With The Chef's Wife
     - Sara at   Sara in Vermont
     - Stephanie at  Bah! to Cancer

Ladies, consider yourself awarded and now you must follow the rules for one who has been awarded a "Sweet Friend" award or terrible things will (or will not) happen to your life/blog/worst enemy/Kleenex (you choose).

And there's my mess o' musings for the day.

Hair and There

 Stylelist.com  thinks I'm totally cool this fall:

Actresses Mia Farrow and Audrey Hepburn and model Twiggy popularized the pixie cut back in the 1950s and 1960s -- helping to transform society's perception of beauty.

"No matter the decade, short hair on woman suggests an air of rebellion, liberation and freedom," said Tran. "The pixie can be traced as far back as Joan of Arc. While showing strength and courage, it highlights a woman's feminine features."

And Melville points out that the hair style is like anything else that's in fashion. "Everything comes back in time," he said. "We've done it all before but we do it again with a twist."

Oooh. I like that, "rebellion, liberation and freedom." So I suppose I could look at this as my rebellion from the same California blonde look I've had my whole life, a liberation from combs, brushes and blow dryers and freedom from...well, er...cancer.  Okay, not bad. I can probably think that way. Most days. Or I can just remember what Spicey Matt recently said about a picture of me on facebook: "Now that your coif is not swallowing your head, we can see your gorgeous face." (Yeah, I know!! Even he called it a back-handed compliment.)  But okay, point taken. And um, face still stinging. (I still kind of miss my 80's hair. But then Matt would be the same guy who once said to me at a cocktail party where I'd dressed up and done my hair differently, "You're hair looks gorgeous, I couldn't even recognize you!" Apparently he's always hated my hair.)

I won't lie, I bought this issue of Vogue solely because I now aspire to Michelle Williams' hair do on the cover. I probably won't see that until next spring, but still, I'm inspired. (And I'm pretty sure, with those dark roots of hers, I can get to this color as well. Or, um, my stylist Kelly can get us to that color.) That's kind of a cute spring look don't you think? Note also it's the October issue so of course there is the "Mammography update" in the left corner. Thank goodness Vogue didn't stick a pink bow in Michelle's hair. I would have been too busy controlling my gag reflex and totally over looked her adorable hair.

So okay, I can deal with this. I'll have a cool pixie hair do of rebellion, liberation and freedom. And the world will just have to adjust to a five foot ten inch pixie.

I meant 2 1/4 issues

While I was complaining yesterday I forgot one thing. (Don't you hate it when you forget to complain??) It's related to the hair thing, so maybe it's only 1/4 of another issue that's bugging me. My eyelashes. They grew back in but they are as wimpy as eyelashes can be while still being called eyelashes. They seemed to be doing okay, but then most of them stopped growing. 3 or 4 little super hairs on each lid kept growing. So now, with a little mascara, I have little hair horns sticking out from each eye and that's it. The other lashes as so short it's hard to catch them with the mascara wand. What's up with that?

I'm considering that Lashtese product that Brooke Shields hawks on television where she pretends to be at a birthday party with women she clearly doesn't know. But can I trust Brooke Shields? She's famous for her gigantic eyebrows so I'm thinking her lashes are also naturally pretty long. Plus, she once dated Michael Jackson. Then again, she did go to war with Tom Cruise (and won) so there's that. Mostly though, it's like $175 a tube and I hate the idea of anything in a prescription around my eyes.  I guess I'll be waiting this one out. With my toddler hair though, I'm just thinking I should have been granted those huge, long, sweeping eyelashes so many (boy) toddlers seem to have!

Still Waiting....

Two remaining issues. That's it. Pretty much. Sort of. There are two issues still lingering post BC treatment. And I don't mean to complain, because really, neither one is too bad, but I'd really rather get over them and move on. And yeah, both are side effects of chemo.

The first is, of course, my hair. As you can see in the photo, it's growing. It's dark and it's growing.  It's lightening up as I spend more time in the sun, but it's not really growing fast enough for me. I'd read that it grows about 1/2" a month. I don't think that's happening. And hey, did you know hair grows faster on the top than the sides and back? It's true. Makes perfect sense too, since the top has to catch up with the sides so we look somewhat normal. If you look at toddlers (not babies...toddlers--when their hair really starts growing) you will see it's true too. They tend to get a thatch up on top and then eventually the sides kick in. If you think about it, the other way around (or even equal growth all around) would look darn funny. So okay, the top of my head has maybe an inch of hair. There's maybe 3/4" on the sides and 1/2" in the back just at the neck. That doesn't seem like a lot of productivity when one considers that I had my last chemo 4 1/2 months ago. I haven't used a blow dryer, a brush or even a comb since March 13, 2009. That's 6 months tomorrow. Not that I miss all that time dealing with hair in the morning (I've put that time to excellent use on Facebook over another morning cup of coffee; brilliantly productive. It could have been yoga, or walking the dog, writing, or hey, getting into the office earlier, but no. I'm not that kind of gal.) So I don't miss dealing with the hair, but I'd still like to return to "me." Folks keep asking me if I'm going to keep my hair short. I guess that's nice--they must think it looks good enough that the answer could possibly be yes. (That or they are asking in the same way one spouse asks another  "is that what you're wearing?" right as the two of you are leaving for a party. Not that that has ever happened to me.) Let me just say, "No. This is not what I'm wearing to the party of life. I'm going to change just as soon as I can."

And the other issue is my feet. There has been some progress. I can now see veins on the top of my feet. They are no longer just inflated sausages with toes; my feet somewhat resemble human feet. I put my tennis shoes on the other day to walk Seamus and my feet just went right into the shoes! A miracle. Previously I was loosening the laces so much that there was hardly enough lace left to tie in a bow (let alone a double knot so the boys don't untie them when I'm playing on the monkey bars...wait, sorry, flashback there....). But they're still fairly numb in the morning (which makes getting out of bed a thrill a minute) and pretty much anytime I sit for awhile. And the ankles are sore enough to make stairs difficult. Weird. But temporary. Like the hair thing, I just have to wait it out.

In the meantime I'm hobbling around with toddler hair.

Yeah, but it's not Me.

What do these photos have in common?
Right. They are not me. It's so obvious. It is, right? And yet that's what I'm hearing these days about my hair-- "It's very [insert celebrity-type with really short hair]." Okay, so it's really only me who thinks "Brigette Nielson" (it's just a fear of mine--based on that whole "we're kind of gigantic" commonality.) But last week I heard "Annie Lennox" a half dozen times and this week it's "Jamie Lee Curtis." I don't have the bone structure of either of them, and, um, I'm younger than both of them.

So while I'm flattered that people are starting to think my hairstyle is a choice, the comments seem to be confirming for me that "it's a style" but it's not "my style." I'm still not-so-patiently waiting for mine to reach a point where I no longer feel the need to explain to unsuspecting total strangers who happen to glance at my head that "it's still growing out from cancer and reallyIdidn'tchoosethisI'mjusttryingtogrowitoutandIpromiseitusedtobelongandnormallooking." In the meantime, the me with the short hair is still learning that women can actually be pretty nice to each other. Who knew?

Too Much Hair

I am back from vacation. But tired. Super tired. So this may be short. But...it's at least an original post and not a repeat. It is however about hair. I'm stuck in a hair rut.

There was a time when I couldn't quite figure out why hair--or more specifically the loss of hair--seemed to be such an overwhelmingly big aspect of this whole cancer thing. Compared with, oh, let's just say, um...the potential loss of life, it seems that losing one's hair temporarily, while not fun or easy, is not the worst aspect of the cancer experience. Yet it certainly seems to be the one most discussed and the one that others (i.e. "other" than the cancer patient) seem to obsess over. I could have paid all my out of pocket medical expenses, if only I had a dollar for every time someone not diagnosed with cancer told me they didn't know what they would do if they lost their hair, or that they would be "really unattractive" without hair, or some such thing. And honestly, it didn't bother me that much when it happened. The thought of chemo (and stay with me here folks, the chemo happens first...then the hair loss) and all it's potential side effects stressed me out a bit more and by the time the hair loss occurred I was ready for that and eventually when the chemo fatigue set in (conveniently, right about with the hair loss) I was happy to have the extra time in the morning (no shaving, no shampooing, no blow drying, no styling and eventually, no mascara necessary).

But that was then. I'm all better now. I have my energy back. I've returned to the regular programming of my life. I'm back at work and my new associate started today, so we're really ready to go all out full speed ahead. And I miss my hair.

I've given up the wigs and the scarves for good and I have enough hair to do that without drawing stares everywhere I go. And as a friend said of my hair "It's a look. It's a style. It's not your look or your style, but it's a look." Which is true--whether it's a lesbian chic look or a "just back from a spiritual retreat in Sedona, how do you like my new beads and isn't it a shame about the rain forest?" look--it is indeed a look. But it's not me. And that's starting to bug me. It's my last reminder of my "cancer patient" status (hey, I don't really notice the scar at "right breast 10 o'clock" and I guarantee you strangers aren't noticing it! Oh, okay, I have the weird foot neuropathy thing but that comes and goes and in the right shoes, no one notices.). Yeah, yeah, I know--the whole odyssey was only 7 months and it was only been a few weeks since treatment ended, but hey, I'd like my hair back now!

Part of this is coming from that fact that I was at an estate planning conference in Chicago and felt a little "off my game" dealing with so many other lawyers (a competitive lot, to say the least). I felt just slightly odd and I do believe I was perceived differently by others. Two sociological findings (or maybe it's the same one?) that are probably not surprising: a nearly 6 ft tall blonde woman in a suit and heels is not easily over-looked or ignored in a still primarily male dominated field; turns out that same nearly 6 ft tall, no longer blonde, nearly hairless woman in comfortable flat shoes (to accomodate her swollen feet) is quite easily overlooked. Although, that was mostly my experience with men. Women were actually warmer than they usually are to me-- although for the most part, that's not the other lawyers--that's the exhibitors and staff for the conference. I won two different "raffles" (you know how the exhibitors at conferences always raffle off things to get you to leave a business card? Yeah, those.) I'm convinced the raffles were not at all random. They liked me because I talked to them (and I talked to them because they talked to me...it's all very meta) and in one case "the cancer" came up and voila' I was the raffle winner! (yeah, I know, I should have gone to every table and used the cancer card. My suitcase wasn't that big. And airlines charge by the pound now.)

Another part of this is coming, I'm sure, from the fact that I met several of Chris's really nice, really accomplished friends in Chicago. And since they are his friends from college (read: Princeton, so we're all clear on where I'm going with this) they are way younger than me. So I was feeling a little...um...well...let's just say old, stupid and ugly. Not for long (the old and stupid part anyway) though, because they are very nice and interesting and not at all judgmental (and, well, bright enough to understand the whole cancer thing). But again, the hair thing bugged me. I would just prefer not to look odd. Especially when meeting people who don't know me any other way.

I actually had a dream last night that I had hair. Not a dream in which I appeared with hair, but a dream wherein Dream Teresa realized that her hair had suddenly grown to shoulder length and was blonde again. Dream Teresa then realized she needed to style it or cut it or do something with it. Dream Teresa then ran about (outdoors mostly, because dreams can't ever make sense right?) trying to find the appropriate styling tools. That part of the dream was much like the "I have a test and I can't find the classroom I'm supposed to be in" dream that we over-achieving geeky folks who looooved school have. Eventually Dream Teresa settled on foaming up an entire can of mousse and lathering that into her hair (a sign that real life Teresa has watched Chris struggle with controlling that massive tsunami of hair of his one too many times).

I warned you--I'm in a hair rut. Or maybe this was a hair-rant. Either way, it's over for now. Must get sleep.

The photo is to let you know a) what the hair "look" is currently (and oh yeah, I threw in some artsy bead jewelry), and b) that my vacation was enjoyable and I did get to spend time with the Missouri branch of my family. That's my younger brother Jay and his son Lucas in the photo. Because when else will the 3 of us have matching hairdos?

PS: a note about "potential side effects" of chemo. Read the "potential side effects" of aspirin. Or cold medicine. Scary stuff. And yet you still take those things. Okay, so the side effects warnings for chemo are a bit more extensive, but it's the same basic premise--the effects are potential and each of the effects have happened to someone. But they don't all happen to everyone on chemo. And they don't all happen at the same time. And many of them never happen to many people. (That was just for anyone--D-- reading this who might currently be contemplating the side effects of chemo. ;-) )

Hair Check

I'm still on vacation, so I thought I'd throw a vacation photo at ya. This is sort of a check in on the hair growth. To me, my hair looks the same. It feels like it's maybe thickening a little, but not really getting length. Last chemo was April 30th; hair starts growing back 4 to 6 weeks later, so figure this is about two months of growth. Slow. Slow. Slow.

On the other hand....Chris's hair is having no trouble growing! And, since the famous mid-western humidity has hit...well, let's just say my hair "style" is more wearable than Chris's "style." Together though, I think we're scaring people. Not that anyone at a Jimmy Buffett concert (yes!! that's where we are!!) can be scared.

We're headed home today. Regular posting will resume soon. So much to fill you in on!

Sunday Sushi

You are in luck. This should be a short post. It's Sunday and I've had the perfect combination of productive and relaxing today. And now Brien and Roryann Clements are coming over with homemade sushi (theirs, not ours...and they're, you know, real chefs). I haven't actually had sushi since the ban went into effect (when chemo started), so I"m kind of excited about this. Thus, in keeping with the productive but relaxing theme I have going, I'm posting to the blog but keeping it somewhat short. After all, the photos sort of speak for themselves.

Breast Cancer As Seen Through the Hair:

January 24, 2009 (the night before surgery):
March 13, 2009 (Head shaved two weeks after first chemo):


Sometime in mid-May after last chemo, before hair started growing back: And finally, July 11, 2009: Making it's way back!!

A few things to note here--if you ask me, I look happier in the last photo then I do in the first three. And I am. That's because I'm all done with this cancer thing (you hear me you little bitch cancer? Done!). Also, the hair is definitely darker. Although, now that it's getting a little daylight exposure I can see that it might very well lighten up. Who cares? It's hair!!

Obviously you will also note the shirt! That is one of the shirts we had designed and made up for the Survivor party and are selling to benefit the new Breast Cancer Resource Center at the Inland Agency here in Riverside, California --and believe me, we need a resource center!! The shirts say "Out-Chemo, Out-Radiate, Out-Live." With the ubiquitous pink ribbon and "Survivor" emblazoned in the middle. There is also a turtle in the ribbon loop (turtle is a symbol for long life--and I happen to like turtles) and the palm trees along the bottom which will make you laugh, as it does me, if you remember this January posting: How Medicine Made me a Hot Babe. (You too can have a shirt--$15 each and available in men's or women's sizes (M to XXL), V-neck and crew neck, white or gray for the men, and white, hot pink or baby pink for the ladies; email me if you want one and you'll have to throw in a few bucks for shipping if I have to mail it to you. Hey, I have medical bills to pay for I can't be supporting the US Post Office too!).

Finally, I've mentioned before that there are cliques and "teams" in this breast cancer brawl and I seem to not ever get it right for the "pink" team, what with my whole refusal to cry, making jokes and continuing to go about my normal life (hence, my cancer Dork status). But occasionally I run into my people and it makes me happy when I do. So check out the blog of another woman who can laugh (and make you laugh) in the face of breast cancer. And given what her face has been through lately...that's saying a lot! (An example--she refers to surgery, chemo and radiation as "Slash, poison and burn" and yep, that about covers what we've been through!) We've been chatting and she also posted on her hair growth today. Meet my new blog friend Stephanie at Bah! to Cancer. (She's British...they talk like that.)

The End of the Decadence

Even Seamus got in on the weekend of luxury, leisure and decadence (not the debauchery though, he wants to be clear about that). Why use just one pillow when you can have five?

My weekend of debauchery (i.e. my weekend with no medical/cancer/chemo/radiation restrictions) has come to a close. As a practical matter, it ended Monday morning. But it ended with a bang. I slept in until almost 9:30 and then Chris made us a fabulous breakfast (served in bed, of course)-- a prosciutto egg nest on a round of french bread, with sauteed mushrooms, scallions, creme fraiche and parsley baked in muffin cups. Fantastic!! See for yourselves.

But after breakfast I had to go into the office. Time for me to get back to work in a serious way. Plus, the painters were next door getting the new expanded office space painted up and looking good. After work I went shopping--for Radiation Girl supplies. Now you'd think that would be a cape, or a shield, or, you know, a stun gun or something. But no. Radiation girl needed bras with no under wires in them, aloe vera, and "natural" deodorant (no aluminum---who the heck knew deodorant had aluminum in it in the first freakin' place???). Since these are not things I want to spend much money on, I took a shot that Target would have all of the above, and they did. Unfortunately, they also had bathing suits, cute sundresses and t-shirts and what not. All of which made me realize that I'm basically missing summer this year. It will be August before I can go in the sun (I think; and I bet they scold me and try to banish this as well) and hence all that attire is out of the question. Summer is my favorite season. Followed by late spring--in Riverside. Followed by late spring--in the desert. In other words, hot. I like the weather hot. And I like to be by the pool, in the pool, in the sun, at the beach, and um, tan. Not ghostly gray. Ah well, that is not to be the case this year. I know, I know, it's only 6 weeks. And I will get a sunburn. On my right breast.

Tomorrow is undress rehearsal for radiation. I expect I will know more about the process then. I'll report in as always. Tuesday night's post however will likely be Chris's hair update--because it's getting a little out of control (watch for the new poll soon where you can all help decide when Chris should cut his hair). I'll post on the radiation after I've had the "real thing."

A little housekeeping for family & friends. Regarding the celebration of the end of all this--First there is a prize for whoever comes up with a name for this party;The POPC Boobie Bash worked for the first one, but this one is post operation, post chemo, post radiation and we hope, post cancer once and for all. Celebrating "The End"sounds a bit morbid. Second, the date has been moved to July 19th. (See countdown clock in the right corner? Cute huh?). We need a Sunday so the restaurant folks in my life can attend (I seem to know a lot of restaurant people...how can that be??) Chris, Roryann and Stacey are officially in charge (although Stacey may not know that yet!) and they'll follow up with details--like where it will be. Probably not at our place again due to all of those stairs which precluded attendance by some of my friends previously.

And finally, it has occurred to me once again that there are "telephone" people and there are "email" people. I'm definitely in the latter group. During the day I pretty much see clients and doctors and try to get my work done. Thus, my time for personal communication is morning (and I'm generally non-communicative in the mornings) and night (and I mean late; so other folks are generally non-communicative). This is why I love email. If I owe you a phone call, sorry, it will probably take awhile--especially as I head into daily radiation treatment. Now, if you just emailed me instead....

Stubble!!!

Never has a girl been so excited to have stubble on her legs!! Or to have her boyfriend point it out to her. So last night Chris and I and Seamus are on the couch watching a movie in our usual position (Seamus snuggled down between us, my legs across Chris's lap, Chris with one arm around me and Seamus and the other hand on my legs...or holding a drink. Sometimes both). And suddenly Chris says, "You have stubble!" What? Huh? Alert the media! That would mean hair!! Or the start of hair. Now it wasn't a lot, and it's on my legs, not my head, but it's stubble! After 6 weeks of hairlessness, this is rather amazing. And sure, it's likely to fall right back out next week after chemo #4, but how exciting to know there's hair under there just dying to make a comeback! I find this inspiring. Like the moment chemo #4 wears off, the hair growing will begin in earnest. My bald days are numbered. Which means I really need to do a bald photo soon, for all posterity. After all, I really don't plan on doing this again.

I did make it to a full week of feeling good and working. Felt very, very good to accomplish that. Seamus is also feeling better. Seems he pulled a muscle or something in his back. He gets a bit better every day. And last night Chris and I made our plans and reservations for 1) La Jolla/ San Diego in May, 2) an estate planning/work conference in Chicago in August (with a few extra play days), and 3) The big island of Hawaii and Maui December 15 to 26th! I will admit I bought the travel protection plan in a bit of caution over the August trip. I finish up radiation in mid-July and we'd leave August 1st...so I'm cautiously optimistic. Really looking at that bright, shiny light at the end of the tunnel (no train jokes, please).

This will probably be the only post this weekend. We've got dinner with the great and good Dr. Karam at Omakase tonight and the LA times Festival of Books tomorrow, followed by dinner with Chris's family for his sister Courtney's 25th birthday celebration. Luckily, we can go to his sister Kati's apartment between events so I can nap (only way that schedule would work!). But this will leave no time for blogging. So, just to tide you over, a new poll has been posted--look over to the side bar. It's even a two-parter. This should keep you contemplating all weekend. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll have plenty to report by Monday night. And next week is "chemo week"--the blood tests, meds prep, final chemo and aftermath week. So you know there will be some serious blogging then. Let's all rest up.

P.S. The picture? Come on, the dude has stubble!

10 to 15 Years

Two different people, who didn't know I'm in chemotherapy and therefore, actually bald, have told me I look "10 to 15 years younger" in this particular look. So I figured it was time to show you my "day to day" look--since I've really only posted the fun looks (all hail Britney, bitch). And yes, I had bangs cut into the wig (it's the same one you voted on, only now with bangs). I couldn't tolerate the fishing line like hairs in my face all day. The handy thing about wigs is I can make the bangs as long or as short as I want (within reason) by moving the wig forward or back on my head. I usually start out with the whole sultry, wispy bangs down in my eyes look and by the end of the day (when this photo was taken) I've pushed it back on my head to get it out of my eyes. I don't really think I look younger. In fact at times I think it's sort of a "mom" look. Not necessarily my mom, although she did have red hair for most of my childhood and this is probably the most I've ever looked like her. Just a more conservative "mom in the burbs" look. And speaking of the burbs...the picture was taken on the balcony off our bedroom. A nice burb to live in.

I still felt fine today. I even worked until after 6pm. The feet were a little better. Perhaps because I wore sensible flat shoes (still cute; adorable Coach ballet flats) and then followed Doctor Dad's orders and soaked my feet in cold water and then elevated them for a bit when I got home. Seems to have helped. That and I'm distracted from my own health issues by the fact that Seamus clearly isn't feeling well. He was waiting for me at the gate when I got home...all sad and moving slowly (which almost never happens with a beagle). He took a nap with me but was slow to get off the bed and then yelped when he jumped up on the couch with me later. I think he injured something (back possibly) so we're letting him rest and see what it looks like in the morning. I've tried to feel around and he let me without any more yelping or wincing, so I can't really figure out what's hurting him. He's awfully cuddly/needy though. Currently, he is sleeping soundly in his own bed, snoring up a marching band's worth of noise and I'm hoping that's a good thing. Poor Chris. Too many patients in the house. (Oooh, good place to remind you to check out the new Forgotten Grapes posting on Thursday!!)

Thursday marks the one week countdown to the last chemo!! While I'll be happy to be through with that and moving on, I'm mostly looking forward to getting 3 weeks past that--I will consider that the true end of chemo and all of its crazy side effects. Hence the planned trip to San Diego for a quick getaway celebration. The plans for Memorial Day weekend aren't really working out, so it may be the weekend before. Hard to say right now. But we're going!! Break #1 will be in May one way or another. I need something happy and distracting between chemo and radiation. Especially now that I've learned more about radiation. (Let's just say there should be some exciting blog posts during radiation...but probably not too many photos).

And on a final note, the Biotene Gum Fairy was indeed STACEY ALDSTADT. She's leaving on vacation and probably worried about me still driving all over town looking for gum. So she handled it. Gum online. Who knew?

It's (Old) Britney, Bitch

Eh, Friday after chemo, overcast rainy day, drive to Rancho Cuc for a Neulasta/bone pain shot...why not rock the (old) Britney look. I mean, she was bald once too. Here's what I like about this wig...that's pretty much the hair I had through most of high school (right, Corby?) and, it's not an entire wig. More like a head band of hair, leaving the top bald/open (hence the hat). Much, much more comfortable. I sort of thought it was a blonde Cher look (so, I kept flipping it back behind me and doing that tongue in cheek thing she does), but I much preferred saying "It's Britney, Bitch" so that stuck. But then at the oncologists office the nurses all chimed in too (this is the 4th look they've seen) and depending on age they went with either the Britney thing or...Peggy Lipton on the Mod Squad. (And yes, one nurse said "What is that??"). Whatever the description, it was kind of a fun, comfortable look for the day.

Stacey Aldstadt gave Chris the day off and drove me to get the shot. Then she took me to lunch at King's Fish house where I had a wonderful and reasonably healthy white bean and smoked salmon soup with a hearts of romaine salad (smothered in bleu cheese...there went the healthy). Very tasty. And hey, I had an appetite on the day after chemo. This is good. Stacey even ran me by Target to pick up my steroid and Starbucks refills. Those are important these days. So obviously I was feeling good today. Fingers crossed that they've got my "cocktail" right this time. When I got home, Chris had the house all cleaned up, the dishes done, and was busy with his wine projects (have you checked out ForgettenGrapes.com this week--it's a great one, go! Go!).

Even the mailman and delivery people were wonderful yesterday and today. Chris received 3 boxes of wine (two bottles in each) from three different wineries sending him (free!!) wine to try for his Forgotten Grapes review!! And the mailman delivered a box with a Nordstrom box inside with a beautiful scarf from Gary Berg and Rich Gold to get me through, as the card said, "my follically-challenged days." Cute! It may be my Easter scarf too--beautiful aqua color. My mom sent three head scarves that she had sewn with a little padding up front (makes it more comfortable and stands it up a little--almost like there is hair underneath!). And there was another package from Trai Cartwright, a fantastic writer friend of mine and Chris's in Colorado. She was "inspired" by my blog (and me; I blush. Who knew? ;-) and had a shirt made up just for me. It's a black v-neck t-shirt with hot pink writing that says "Back off people, I have cancer!" and then has a bald woman logo!! So funny. Clearly the shirt to wear when I decide (mid-summer?) to just go bald. I'll wear it before then though--it's awesome!

The good day just rolled on when Sherry Landrum and Becky Whatley came by with Chinese food (and a stash of chips and guacamole to leave with me for later!). I'd been craving chinese food (I know, odd...Back off people, I have cancer!!....Okay, dad, had cancer. I had cancer. I have chemo.) So good friends, good food, I even sipped a little wine. (Shhhhh.) Nice day!

I'm good. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet day at home tomorrow, resting, reading, more blogging of course, and taking it easy. With any luck, my biggest stress will be picking out my Easter Brunch outfit--and hair. (Yeah, I know...we're knocking on wood here too.)

P.S. What do we think of the new blog look? The pink was wearing on me, and I thought this might be easier to read. Yes? No? Thoughts please!

Chemo--the Gift that Keeps Giving

I can't decide if I'm like a really old person or a baby. I pretty much want to sleep and eat all day--although it turns out I'm pretty fussy about what I can eat. And I wake up several times a night. Generally between 4 and 5:30 a.m., I'm just tossing and turning (and getting up to get Tylenol). So which does that describe? Great grandma? newborn? Or, chemo patient? Why would those things have anything in common? Discuss amongst yourselves.

I think toward the end of this fun chemo thing I'm going to have to catalog for you all (fair warning) the side effects they say are common, less common, and rare--and then list the ones I had. There's no point in doing it now, because I get new fun little side effects all the time. Today, my hips were hurting. And if I move just wrong, I get a severe lower back shooting pain. Stop, drop, pop-off shooting pain. I suppose this is the Neulasta joint/bone pain (they say it affects the large bones and um, my hips certainly qualify). And my head is itching like crazy--I'm guessing the fuzzy bits of hair are now wanting to abandon the cranium as well. It's amazing the numerous ways your body can be affected by poison. Or, well, maybe that's not so amazing.

For your sake and mine, I do not want to focus on the craziness. There was a lighter side today. I worked from home. Chris and Laureen handled the office, so I could stay home. Which worked out really well. I got plenty of work done, but could easily take a nap as needed. And 2 naps were needed, but that allowed me to put in a full day of work. Work is great for keeping my mind off "things." But it also meant there was no real reason for me to wear make-up or gussy myself up in any way. So I spent more time than I have before bare-faced and bald. And pretty much sloppy in yoga pants and a t-shirt (Save the Tatas!). I didn't feel bad. It was kinda freeing. Not surprisingly, this does cause one to examine ones face and skull--especially since I've never seen the skull quite like this. I wasn't horrified. This is good news.

I do have two scars on my head that are more visible than before--they are at what used to be my hairline and is now a tan line (face is several shades more beige than the top of my head, as it turns out, not at all surprisingly). One is from falling down my grandparents back door stairs as a kid, and one is from where my older sister stabbed me in the head with a fork (ah, sweet childhood memories). But all in all my skull is in pretty good shape. It's not oddly shaped and doesn't have too many bumps or protrusions. This is chemo's gift to me. I know what my skull looks like--most of you don't.

And of course the face becomes more noticeable without hair. I've heard several times that I'm lucky because I have a "pretty" face and thus will look fine bald or can "pull off" just the scarf look. This cracks me up. It reminds me of when I was first diagnosed and people would say "You are a really strong person. You'll do fine." It's nice and all, but both are statements with zero credibility. Because really, you can't say anything else. If a person isn't strong or doesn't have a pretty face, what are you going to say? "Wow. You are never going to be able to handle this. You'll fall apart. And oh good lord, with that nose of yours you'll look horrific. Best of luck!" No, no you are not. You are going to say "You'll do great. You're a strong person. And you have such a pretty face." You're going to lie! But thank you anyway.

Today, examining my new look with no make-up, I came to the conclusion that I'm lucky my face is just sort of plain. So nothing really stands out--which is good now. And really, I mean that in a good way. I don't have any outstanding features (okay, I'm 5'10", and that's hard to miss, but other than that) one way or another--no particularly great facial feature (or hair when I had it) but no particularly bad one either. Most people have one or the other or several. I don't think I do (feel free to point out what I'm overlooking. I'm totally kidding. Don't say anything.) To test my theory, those of you who know me, quick...what color are my eyes? .....waiting.....waiting......Right. See? They're blue. But not the sparkling, baby blues of literature and song (and Chris). They're a really dark, oceanic blue. Almost non-descript. But they're a normal size and situated normally in my face. So basically, they're just eyes. Plain and simple. My mouth is kinda small, but my teeth are gigantic, so that averages out to a normal smile/mouth. Nose is just a nose. Chin could be stronger, but the cheekbones aren't bad, so hey, once again, bone structure is average. I'm telling you, this makes "no hair" a bit easier--I don't need it to compensate for anything in particular (except, you know, my bald head). I had time to analyze this today (ironically on the day after excoriating the hapless author who had his character analzye himslef in a window reflection). No reason, it's just really--how often am I going to see myself bald and clean-faced like that? (The answer is, well, several more months, but I'm sure I'll get over this very soon. Like now.)

There were other chemo gifts today too. I got another card in the mail (thanks Christine) and Eliza and the staff at ADV sent the beautiful flowers in the picture. That was a very nice surprise. I like that it was just to remind me they were thinking of me. Very kind. And TERA HARDEN, criminal defense attorney supreme, is going to get my jury duty summons kicked to...well...as far as we can get it kicked! Thanks Tera! And Chris brought me home the highly recommended Strawberry Banana smoothie from Jack in the Box-- Thanks for that tip TC BOND!! Works perfectly for "chemo mouth."

I also got a little love from Luxembourg. Someone checked the blog. That brings total countries to 24! To wit: US, Canada, France, Germany, Australia, Belgium, Indonesia, South Africa, India, Finland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Pakistan, Serbia, Poland, Japan, Sweden, Czech Republic, Lebanon, Ireland, Russia, Luxembourg and Hungary. Crazy isn't that? Great job spreading the word!! Anyone know anyone in Uzbekistan?

Of course, Wisconsin still hates me. Don't know why. I love their cheese. But Wisconsin, Wyoming, South Dakota, Kansas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Indiana, Delaware, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine and Alaska have all been too busy (shoveling snow and dealing with tornado warnings?) to check the blog. We're working on them though.

So yes, chemo is the gift that keeps on giving. Even if I'm making up some of the fun myself (Google analytics is endlessly amusing). But you'll be happy to know we have no big plans for this weekend. We are thinking we'll have a nice relaxing weekend...in anticipation of Day 12 on Monday. Will she crash or won't she?? I'm thinking postively. I'm registered for the Shop to Stop Breast Cancer at the Marriott Monday night. And my Cancer Vixen t-shirt arrived just in time.

Not Tonight Dear, I Have a Head Shaving

Yeah. I did it. It became completely obvious the hair wanted to go. Thursday night, when I wrote the last posting, things still looked good. But when I woke up Friday morning with a bunch of hair in my face, I moved it out of my way and realized....it was no longer attached to anything. Then I brushed it and oh yeah. Sheets of it were falling out. And it didn't stop. So I did. I wore the cute little Sienna hat for the day at work and just left the 26 or 27 strands of hair I had left to fend for themselves until Kelly, my hair stylist for nearly 20 years now, came over to do the deed. We had margaritas to get ready (it's not like you can screw up this kind of "styling"). Chris did the bartending and photographing.

At Kelly's suggestion, we did not shave it down to nothing. We just buzzed down to little boy or 70s era feminist (you choose). And it turns out...my hair is kinda dark!! Well, darker than I was expecting. I've "highlighted" it blond for years now, but never had to do the "dye the whole thing" kind of coloring. My hair is a dark blond and gets a lot lighter with sun. Clearly what's left hasn't had any time in the sun! And, in the top left picture, I happen to think I look like my brother Jay. Wearing hoop earrings. And eyeliner. (He doesn't read the blog, so we'll never know if he agrees. Or is insulted.)

So on to the more fun portion of the evening (although, I have to tell you, it wasn't that bad. Now, maybe tomorrow I'll feel differently, or Monday, or a week or a month from now, but right now, I'm good. My morning routine just got cut in half, easily). First up, the winning wig:Yeah, I went with the red. In person, I liked it best (that's me with the "winner" on the day I bought it...which was actually even before the poll went up; but hey, thanks for playing!). The winner of the poll was the Ash Blond, but it was also the human hair wig and kinda grey in person. Plus, I know that hair falling in my face like that would make me crazy. I'm even worried about this one. But I like it. I just now have to reconsider all my clothing and make-up color choices. I hadn't thought that one through.

Second place in the polls was dark and mysterious--and that surprised me. But, since it got second place there's a dark and mysterious option for me too:

I did also get a blond wig, and another strawberry blond one that we sort of cut to look like the ash blond one, but I can't ruin all the fun in one blog. Those wigs will wait.

The last option, and likely one I will be exercising a lot, is of course the scarf/bandana/ do-rag look. (Don't I just sort of look like a surgeon? Okay, one in a women's center where everything is pink, but still.) Coach scarf on the left was a Christmas gift from Trudi (Chris's mom), even though at the time she didn't know I'd need it for my head.

I feel like I've cleared another major hurdle. Phew. Thanks for clearing it with me. It's now been nearly three months since I first walked into a doctor's office with the "I think I feel a lump." I'm not quite halfway through this "journey." I calculate the halfway point as just about the first week of April. Even so, I've "journeyed" through a lot and this was one of the big "moments." And, eh, not so bad. I'll take this over the white blood cell count crash any day.

Now I get a nice weekend at home (yeah, with a little work thrown in) and then next week--chemo round two. Thursday. Think the beanie babies are still hanging out?

P.S. (can you do a P.S. on a blog?) Remember to vote on the "Break-out Blog Star" poll over to the right; and to have your friends in Wisconsin and North Dakota log on to the blog. Ireland showed up today!

Hair Sharing (a.k.a. Growin' It Out For Cancer, Month 2)

Back by popular demand...

So for those of you who have been clamoring at Teresa and pestering her about my posts and why I'm not writing more here and where are the posts about my hair, I thank you. Clearly I'm the break-out star on this blog (eat it, Seamus and Dr. Karam) and it's nice to know that I already have a built in fanbase before I ditch this low-rent scene like Clooney on "ER," Timberlake and 'Nsync, or Sting and The Police (if you can think of a better analogy for a member of a music group/TV ensemble who split from it and then went off to an even more lucrative solo career, please let me know in the Comments section so I can fuel my own ego) and head off on my own exceptionally successful solo blogging career (more on that later)...

But now, what you've all been waiting for: it's been exactly 31 days since I got my haircut for the final time in 2009, so it's time for another Growin' It Out for Cancer update. It's hard to tell from the picture up and to the left--since Teresa did such a crummy job taking it. What, you think I stop harping on her and cut her some slack just because she has cancer? Please--but my hair has grown almost 3/4 of an inch in the past month, slightly above the human average of a 1/2 inch per month. So while it's still lush and manageable, it is starting to develop into its classic pompadour mould. The front and profile shots better demonstrate this phenomenon:


Goddamn, I'm a handsome man. So as you can see, we're starting to get some layer differentiation between the top and the side along the part, and my primary back cowlick is doing its spiky, stand-uppy thing it always does. There hasn't been much growth on the sideburn (probably because I shaved today) and the back is juuuuuuust starting to brush up against the collar. It still looks short from afar, but it's starting to bulk up. When you run your fingers through it (ladies, just use your imagination), you can feel the hair pulling against your fingers. Not because it's unwieldy, but because of the bulk of the growing follicals.

So that's the update for this month. I expect we'll see some radical change next month when we get another 1/2 - 3/4 of an inch of length added on, the top starts to mushroom, and the back corners began to thicken like kudzu and drift down over the collar. I still won't look like a hippie just yet, but I'd probably get kicked out of the military with this particular style (well okay, maybe not the Air Force).

Anyway, that's the update. Continue to remain enthralled and send Teresa all of your feedback positive and negative (but mostly positive) through the Comment section below.

See you next month!
Chris

***********************************
Okay, back to me--this is Teresa again. Here to defend myself. Ah forget it. The picture didn't really serve its purpose, so I did mess up but it's not like you need more details on Chris's hair (but I will tell you he shaved just because he knows his mom is reading the blog and she hates it when he doesn't shave!)

But in other hair news....yeah, mine is leaving this mortal coil. But again, not like I was told it would happen. I was told (and I'd read) that your "body hair" goes before the hair on your head. Well, I kinda knew that would be an interesting call. I'm a relatively hairless person. I'll borrow a line from my father: "Hair don't grow on steel." (He says it in reference to his chest. He's of a generation that preceded men shaving their chests. Plus, he's from Georgia. Say it with a southern accent. Yep. You got it.). See, the hair on my arms could fall off all at once right in front of you and you wouldn't notice. Neither would I. Same with the upper half of my legs (I don't shave the top half--never have and never have needed to; and you just plain can't tell. TMI?) Chris and I both looked tonight and we can't really tell if there's been hair loss. But when I got up and brushed my hair this morning an unusually large portion of it stayed in the brush. Okay, granted, after the hell that was my Monday and the purgatory that was my Tuesday, this was the first real brushing my hair had in 48 hours, so maybe it started yesterday but day old hairspray and the sweaty mass that it was in just kept it all sort of glued on (TMI again?). So I finished gently brushing it out and then took a shower, fully expecting I would see most of it pile up in the drain. It didn't happen. Not much came out at all. Some, but not much.

Naturally, I used a ton of conditioner to make combing it out as easy as possible. Which worked. I lost a little more while combing, but again there are no gaping bald spots on my head. So, next up was the styling issue. I really wanted to stretch this out one more day (okay, honestly, I'd like to stretch to Friday so my "regularly scheduled" head-shaving could occur). So I opted to let my straight, wimpy, totally unstyled hair dry by itself (confident a blow dryer and round brush and all that would be my hair's true demise) and then I pulled it back as gently as I could into the ever-classic ponytail. At least that's what I told myself. Of course all day I expected the ponytail to just fall off.

Once I got home, ponytail intact, I was convinced that when I took my hair out of the ponytail it would then just drop to the floor ( like a rubber band was somehow holding my hair onto my head; apparently I have dramatic flair. Who knew?). Again it didn't. So now I'm convinced that when I get up tomorrow morning, my hair won't. It will just stay right there on the pillow sleeping in. And if so, of course you will all find out which wig was the winning wig (winning in this case meaning purchased; which may or may not be the top vote getter--it's my chemo world; I get veto power. Call me W. No, don't. Don't you dare.) Because I have two new client meetings tomorrow and I don't think a bald or wild stray-haired partially bald attorney is what anybody has in mind, so I don't want to scare them off.

On a lighter, more floral note, Chris did mention that Duane and Kelly Roberts sent flowers on the very day I was shaking and baking and losing all my white blood cells. I don't think they knew that but their timing was terrific. And Chris was indeed joking about wine instead...he knows I can't drink that anymore (sadly, it all tastes like dirt now due to those great metallic taste buds of mine). But honestly, they could have hidden a case of wine in this arrangement and we wouldn't find it for months. Look at this thing!! Okay, wait, maybe you can't tell scale from that. Once again, it's Seamus to the rescue. Okay, Seamus weighs 30 pounds and is probably 15" tall. Here he is dwarfed by the flowers:

Now that was a nice surprise to receive on such a crappy, crappy day. So thanks Duane and Kelly, and Carol who helped arrange it, and the poor Flowerloft delivery person who had to carry this! (But doesn't Flowerloft do fantastic work??)

And on a final, final note: Which do we think will get out of control first--Chris's hair or his ego? Alright, he deserves to feel good about himself. He's been awfully good with his two cancer patients lately. Oh! Seamus's cancer check up went just fine yesterday. And yes, Chris had to drive him to Tustin for that. Funny isn't it? Well, maybe not to Chris.

Split Ends, Loose Ends and Lands End

Day 9 of chemo. So tomorrow is the big day 10--the beginning of the "danger zone." The next stage of chemo watch, as we expect greater fatigue and susceptibility to infection. This whole next week should be interesting because of that and then of course, the hair loss should happen. I'm already starting to look for it. No signs yet, but it's early still. But here's a funny thing about that--I've run out of my favorite Kiehl's shampoo and I don't really feel like spending $25 on a new bottle that I'll use for oh, a week. I'm making do with random samples, odd bottles of shampoo I've tried and didn't like so didn't finish, that sort of thing. Same with styling products. I'm feeling a little like a bag lady...of course, one who gets really nice sample products at Nordstrom, but still. It occurs to me that it will be very strange to not need any of those things for like a year (how much styling can you do with an inch of hair??). And a blow dryer? Thing of the past! What will I do with all that spare time? I may become a morning person after all! And by morning I mean I may be able to make it into the office by 9a.m.

Okay, that was the split ends portion of the post (you got that right?). Now for some loose ends... I forgot one statistic back in the chemo Keno post. Women seem quite convinced that if breast cancer doesn't run in their family they don't have much to worry about. Uhhh....I have 6 aunts, a mom and an older sister all still alive and none have had breast cancer. Neither of my grandmothers had it either. It's actually only about 10% of the cases of breast cancer that are "genetic." The rest are as random as my posting topics. To quote Dr. David Chan (colleague of the great and good Dr. Karam and author of "Breast Cancer: Real Questions, Real Answers"):

"Contrary to popular belief, most breast cancer is not inherited. Eighty to eighty-five percent of newly diagnosed breast cancer patients do not have a direct relative who has had the disease. "

Have I mentioned lately the importance of self-exams and getting your mammogram? Go girls, go.

Another loose end. No, I don't speak French. I'm pathetically, disgustingly bad at it. We leave the french-speaking portion of the Words & Wine tours to Rachel and Raphael, both of whom are fluent in English and French. Whereas, after three years of french wine tours I still can't even say "wine" in french. They say it like "van" only elegant. I say it like "van" only like a Chevy. Chris is farily decent at it--he can at least order off the menus for us, but poor boy travels with me and no matter where I go (any country, anywhere) folks instantly speak English. They not only know I'm an American, they know I'm from California (I'm hoping the hair color change changes all this!). So while Chris wants to give it a try and practice his French, they basically demand I speak English and not destroy their beautiful language.

And now for Lands End! You guys were awesome at getting blog hits in some new states and a new country!! Shout out to step-mom Nancy for getting Japan lit up (um, on my Google map, she wasn't like, drinking with the whole country; I don't want to start rumors) and she got me the second hit from Indonesia (Stacey Aldstadt had already covered that once--but I'm liking two hits. I'm bigger in Bali than I am in Beirut now). We've also added Albuquerque, New Mexico; Omaha, Nebraska and Northville, Michigan (that's Nancy again...it ain't the ex). Those were new states. Now I'm looking for Montana, North Dakota, Wisconsin (hello Shackeltons??), Mississippi, and Alabama. This will cover the "outside" states of the US. Then we'll work on filling in some missing spots in the middle of the country. Oh, and Virginia checked in! But it wasn't my college roommate. Unless she's traveling....

And speaking of traveling...we are off to Beaglefest in the morning. Which may delay Chris's Hair Update. I'm sure you were all wondering and waiting. He'll probably post on Sunday. Unless Seamus wins "most melodic voice" and we're doing the press tour. There's always that.